The wonder years

By Matthew Woolford

Sometimes in life you encounter a moment that makes you pause, sits you down, and inspires reflection on old experiences from a new perspective.

This happened to me on September 17, following Holy Mass at the Management Lecture Theatre, University of the West Indies (UWI), St Augustine, where a new Catholic Students Movement (CSM) Executive was installed for the new academic year.

To be honest, throughout my entire academic career at UWI, spanning September 2004 to August 2007, I never attended Mass on campus. It was during those wonder years that I questioned the importance of organised religion in the search for spiritual enlightenment, the credibility of the Catholic Church as an authority on anything at all, and the purpose of my existence altogether.

To be even more honest, fair and transparent, I stopped attending Mass at some point during this period, preferring to fight temptation alone, not allowing too many outside influences access within the already confused corners of my mind.

My return to regular Mass attendance came in 2008, a few months after graduation when I had hit rock bottom, looked up, and ‘knew’ that there had to be a God who loved me. It was one of the best and most encouraging days of my life and it inspired me to keep on trying.

Since then, I have sought and found new and improved ways to enhance my earthly experience, including planned trips abroad and contributing articles to The Catholic News, but nothing comes close to the refreshment, resurgence and replenishment of energy I feel after attending a Mass.

In fact, it was during Mass at the Worship Hall at the Eric Williams Medical Sciences Complex, where I worked, that I was invited to attend Mass with the CSM.

As I was leaving UWI, I noticed the swimming pool where I had spent many mornings, afternoons and evenings exercising and lounging in relaxed bliss. This paused me, sat me down under the bus shed outside the Learning Resource Centre and prompted reflection on those wonder years.

Turning my head in a near 270 degree arc, I also noticed the Centre for Language Learning where I studied Spanish at a discounted fee as a then student, and Counselling and Psychological Services, where I was able to vent all my frustration towards myself, my life and my relationships, free of charge.

In a nutshell, UWI had supported me wholeheartedly!

It was not a perfect experience, but neither was my ability to process all that was happening at the time. For years, when I reflected on those days, I likened myself to a fish swimming in shallow water, desiring greater depth. Now I see how that space afforded me latitude to make mistakes, facilitated growth in self-awareness, and was essentially a home away from home.

Growing up, I was told to study hard and get a good job, with some subtle implication that life will take care of itself following these ‘solemn’ achievements. Now I value self-determination over entitlement, because no one owes me anything; and fulfilment over finance, because I owe no one anything.

What a role those years played in me abandoning such an elitist and dysfunctional outlook on life. In a nutshell, I am grateful!

The campus, in my opinion, also appears to be growing in vibrancy, with students exploring their talents in ways livelier and more uninhibited than my generation:

• We were taught to fear failure. They see failure as an inevitable part of the learning curve that leads to better decision-making.
• We were taught to stick to the tried and proven. They see innovation as ‘a rising tide that lifts all boats.’
• We were taught to embrace the new while still holding onto the old. They see the benefit of drinking new wine from new wineskins.

In a nutshell, I like how they think!

In the Gospel of Mark 4:30–32, Jesus pondered, “To what shall we compare the kingdom of God, or what parable can we use for it? It is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of all the seeds on the earth. But once it is sown, it springs up and becomes the largest of plants and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the sky can dwell in its shade.”

I am still far from perfect, but I am good. And better than good, I am okay. I am happy that the Sower found it fit to plant that seed when He did and now better appreciate His mastery.

I am still learning the fine art of balancing the birds of prey alongside the birds of peace within the shade of my mustard tree, but I believe my branches are getting stronger.