Laying down ground rules for the use of social media

By Sophie Barcant

It takes a village to raise a child and controlling how our children use social media (SM) is a complex issue. It involves protection, education, parental involvement, and responsible regulation.

Research suggests that no single approach is sufficient; rather, a combination of strategies is most effective.

In December 2025, Australia passed the world’s first nationwide ban on social media for under-16s. The government got the major platforms to comply and deactivate about 4.7 million accounts of minors. Meta alone removed nearly 550,000 accounts. Enforcement seemed successful. Non-compliance results in big penalties. Just this month, the United Arab Emirates banned SM access to kids under 15.

Is the ban working? It’s too soon to tell but as is to be expected, kids found ways around it and within weeks of the ban, reports said two-thirds of affected teens were still on other banned platforms.

So how do families really take power back from big tech?

How do we protect our children from the dangers of using SM?

How effective is banning?

When we have a good relationship with our children, our wisdom and knowledge can be well received and have a positive effect. We certainly must share the facts with them and discuss online risks openly and regularly.

We want our children to have intrinsic motivation. We want them to want to do what is right, healthy, and wise.

Offering a person a reward for doing something is an example of extrinsic motivation. It works to a certain extent and is a useful mode of behaviour modification for a time and for a certain age. But as children get older, intrinsic motivation, wanting to do something because it is good for the person and society, is critical for building a good foundation for success.

We can replace lectures and restrictions with a critical thinking approach leading to agency.

Calmly asking questions and giving choices are great ways to challenge our teens to think. Regarding the use of SM, we can ask them what they think about overuse of it.

Do they have peers overusing it and what do they see are the effects? Is that what they want for themselves? Do they know why their peers are overusing it? Help them bring these issues to awareness. Considering these perspectives can positively influence their own values and choices.

Having more conversations around them about general goals, values and lifestyles needed for success can help motivate them to make good choices for themselves.

Habits of better sleep leading to better game and academic performance, and less anxiety can motivate. Sharing the science with them about sleep patterns can help, too. “Reels after 11 p.m. wrecks your REM sleep, which kills reaction time and mood the next day” is easier to internalise than “SM rots your brain”.

Demands and commands create resistance. Having respectful conversations with our teens around these issues can have a profound effect.

Bans set the guardrails, but intrinsic motivation is what it’s really about. The trick is making “appropriate use” of SM feel like their choice, not a punishment.

Action speaks much louder than words, so a major issue is to examine the examples we are setting. Are we using SM appropriately and moderately? Modelling temperance always helps.

All of us seek ways to meet our psycho-emotional needs. Inappropriate SM use and overuse is meeting needs for belonging, social connection, entertainment, and validation.

Parents and teachers are the ones who ought to be providing opportunities for these needs to be met healthily thus reducing the need for them to seek it in unhealthy uses of SM. Simply restricting access without meeting these needs elsewhere may not be effective.

Here are some practical tips:

Let us give them better defaults

Suggest they curate the feed: urge them to follow creators who teach skills, hobbies, or just good knowledge, which will empower them rather than dumb them down with meaningless online content.

Partner with your teen to help them utilise the platform tools to assist in moderating use.

Instagram can tell them, “Take a Break”, TikTok offers screen time limits, YouTube has a ‘bedtime reminder’. Make agreements about these and let them turn it on. Negotiate with them and set limits together.

Use for 30 minutes after homework or chores. It can be a reward or earned privilege—not three hours of mindless scroll.

Motivation sticks when they have alternatives: sports, clubs, part-time work, creative projects. Social media is often a filler for boredom or social anxiety. Fill that gap.

Schools can teach Digital Literacy; understanding online manipulation and algorithms, cyberbullying prevention, digital footprints, and online reputation as well as healthy online relationships, critical thinking about influencers and advertising. Appealing to their values can be powerful. Teens care about fairness, authenticity, and control. They may think twice about their SM use when they realise that they are being manipulated.

You can’t motivation-ban your way to healthy habits. The win is when a teen chooses to log off because they’d rather win that match, get that grade, or actually socialise healthily.

Continuously building and maintaining good communication and relationship with our teens is key. How respectful, calm, and loving the conversations are between parent and child can determine how deeply motivated the child will be to make wise choices. Research consistently shows that active parental guidance is more effective than surveillance alone.

Sophie Barcant is a certified ACC trauma informed coach and Safe and Sound music listening therapy provider. She can be reached at Life Harmony Coaching and Consulting: sophiebarcant@yahoo.com