Growing up with a single mother—thank you, Mom

Part 2

I think we need to be more careful and compassionate when speaking to children or even adults navigating difficult parental relationships. Quoting Scripture without acknowledging someone’s pain can unintentionally deepen wounds instead of healing them. Honour and healing can coexist. Boundaries and faith can coexist. Hurt and prayer can coexist and I believe God understands the complexity of the human heart far more than people sometimes do.

For a long time, experiences like these affected how I viewed myself and relationships. When you grow up without seeing healthy love modelled consistently, especially from a father figure, it can shape what you accept from others.

In past relationships, I settled. I accepted the bare minimum because I did not truly know what love, protection, consistency, and emotional security from a man were supposed to look like. I never saw my mother experience that kind of love either. But over time, through conversations, life experiences, faith, reflection, and even the stories of others, I began to learn differently. I began to understand my worth. I learned that love should not feel like begging for attention, affection, or consistency. I learned that healthy love shows up.

Still, despite the hurt I experienced from my father, I do not carry hatred in my heart. If anything, the absence of love in certain places taught me how important it is to give love freely to others. It made me more compassionate, more understanding, more intentional about showing up for people. Because you never truly know what someone else is carrying silently.

Being raised by a single mother shaped me into someone strong, independent, reliable, loving, and selfless, all traits I first saw in my mother. And that is why it pains me when I see society constantly criticising single mothers while giving absent fathers a pass. Too often, mothers are blamed for every action of their children, while fathers who intentionally choose absence escape accountability entirely. That is not fairness.

Yes, parents play a significant role in shaping their children, but mothers cannot carry the full burden of responsibility alone, especially when they were left to parent without support.

Many single mothers are doing the work of two parents every single day emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually. They deserve grace. They deserve support. They deserve acknowledgment.

And fathers who intentionally abandon their responsibilities should be held accountable, not excused. I know every single-parent experience is different. Some stories are far more painful than mine, and some are filled with healthier co-parenting relationships.

But I believe there are many daughters like me who grew up longing for the affection and validation of a father while quietly watching their mothers carry the weight of everything else.

To those mothers: thank you. Thank you for the sacrifices your children may not fully understand yet. Thank you for loving through exhaustion. Thank you for staying.

And to the children raised in these homes, especially daughters navigating questions of identity, worth, and love: your story does not end with what you lacked. Sometimes the very places we experienced pain become the places where we learn how to love others most deeply.

My story is not one of bitterness. It is one of grace, resilience, healing, and the enduring love of a mother who never stopped showing up.