Are we giving thoughtfully?

Story and illustration by Dara Wilkinson

Some of my attempts at giving have been real misadventures. They were enterprises born not so much out of a spirit of generosity but out of just a feeling that the way some things are done can change. No more ‘business as usual’.

In addition, I have a real affinity for overall safety and for safety gear. Many a friend has responded with a perplexed look upon receiving a gift of emergency lighting or a fire safety blanket. Nothing says ‘I celebrate you’ like a camping lantern. Given the chance, I would bubble wrap the world.

Along these lines, I started my project around 2016 to hand out umbrellas to folks caught in the rain. I called it ‘Homie Brella’ (and yes, oh gosh… I know, eh… I know… the name wants some help… but for better or for worse that’s what it was called: ‘Homie Brella’). So, let me tell you the story.

For my first attempt, I noticed a youthful pair walking along a stretch when it started to rain. There was no place to shelter on that block. I was driving and I pulled over where the 20-something-year-olds were walking.

I passed an umbrella out through the window in the direction of the young woman. Honestly, I was very proud of myself for doing a good deed and I imagined how happy they would be to shelter.

The youth glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, swerved a bit to avoid the umbrella, and just kept going…“You can go ahead and take it…” I called out to her with a smile. The drizzle was steadily falling.

“Na-ah,” she smiled, glancing backwards at me a little uncertainly. “We are not going far.”

I recognised my flopped attempt and mentally poked fun at myself: ‘You real bounce yuh head on that one, dreddo!’ The following three were more successful.

I gave one to a woman who had clearly just gotten her hair styled. When the rain started to fall, she had wrapped it in a bit of clear plastic packaging borrowed from the business establishment on the corner.

There was also the student in uniform, perhaps about 17 and in sixth form. I handed it to him with a caution to explain to his parents that it was given to him by a teacher, as I taught then (and even today) at the tertiary level.

Then there was the day I was driving on the main road, and I saw an elderly woman walking in the opposite direction. She was dressed in what appeared to be church clothes.

When the rain started to fall, she perched her handbag on her head, hoping at least to salvage her hairdo, it seemed.

My passenger seats were covered in books and unruly stacks of paperwork as my vehicle functioned like a mobile office. I handed the elderly woman an umbrella. Homie Brella seemed to be coming along.

Preferential option

For all my efforts, though, there was a bit of a problem with my giving. I had approached it like a mathematical formula: I have identified a need, plus I have a useful solution that can help, and this equals one happy recipient.

However, what if I had not correctly identified a need? The 20-something-year-old clearly was contented to keep walking.

What if I had not actually provided a useful solution that could help? Maybe the sheet of plastic wrapping would have better protected the woman’s hairstyle. Perhaps, the medium-sized umbrella might have turned out to be too heavy for the elder woman as she walked to her destination.

Maybe the recipients would not have been happy. Maybe they would have felt confused or embarrassed or simply put upon.

When we observe a preferential option regarding vulnerable persons in need, sometimes we forget they have their own preferences and their own dignity. In my story, vulnerable would simply mean rain exposed.

For all my loving attentiveness, I suspect that a part of me was equally very concerned with giving myself a shiny badge and a warm feeling inside for doing something good, not wrong but which, in too large a measure, can be misplaced focus.

I suspect I am overthinking this. I gave because it is good to give and we are called to be givers. Each recipient could have said ‘no’. But they seemed happy in the end.

‘Homie Brella’ was a far-from-perfect offering. I hope I keep trying to see not only the need but see the person with the need. I hope my heart can be oriented not only to helping my neighbours, but also to seeing and affirming my neighbours in the way they wish to be seen and affirmed.