Toting ‘badmind’

By Daniel Francis

How was your Lenten experience? Transformative, I hope. Mine, unfortunately, I am sad to report, it was not great.

What made it “not great,” you may ask? At the start of this year, I made commitments to put my best foot forward in all areas of my life. In January, I came out of the gates guns ah blazing. I was riding high on momentum, sticking to all my positive habits: going to church, reading my Bible, listening to daily homilies, reading for learning, exercising, and more. Then came February….then came Carnival.

I relaxed for that moment of time, a simple reprieve from the tremendous effort I had put in during January. Yet that short moment stretched from one week to two, then to three. Before I knew it, Lent was over, and here I am. My daily routines were in a disarray, I felt  unfocused, and I was not having the deep, reflective, spiritual Lenten experience I had initially planned.

I’m disappointed in myself, especially since last year’s Lenten experience was so transformative, even life-changing. One of the major reasons for that transformation was a forgiveness drive I undertook. But therein lay the chink in my defences that brought on the crumble.

You see, coming into this year, I felt like I was carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders. The baggage I thought I had left in the past was still weighing me down: I was toting a heavy ‘badmind.’ There was doubt within the forgiveness I believed I had given, and the negative emotions that came with it. I began wondering if I had truly forgiven those who had wronged me, and whether I had truly forgiven myself.

I could tell that I didn’t genuinely want the best for some of them. To some degree, I had not truly forgiven them, and as a result, I could not properly focus during Lent. That ‘badmind’ opened me up to spiritual attack, and that attack was  effective.

Somewhere in my heart, there was a weed of dissent growing. It caused a disconnect. So even though I gave up snacks for Lent, and reflected on Jesus’ suffering during my own moments of sacrifice, my experience was not pure. I could not bear the full fruit of the season because my ‘badmind’ would not allow it.

God’s grace was pouring forth, but His water could not reach my soil to bear fruit. I was like a tile: the water just ran off my surface.

In my recent reflections, the commandment, “love one another as I have loved you” kept coming to mind. I realised how difficult it is to truly do that and how losing sight of it led to my fall.

You see, we can do all that we think we are supposed to do, but if our hearts aren’t in it, it’s all for nothing. You can appear to be the “perfect” Catholic, but if you are not open to God’s grace internally, you will not receive it.

So, I ask: what has ‘badmind’ opened you up to?

Thankfully, our God is forgiving and merciful. He foresees and expects our missteps. All we have to do is come to Him with openness and honesty. I saw the error of my ways, and I am working my way back to Him. Because let’s face it, what are we without God?

If you are carrying the weight of ‘badmind’, release it to God. Come to Him truly open and ask for His guidance and forgiveness. He will always receive you. So, whether you had a solemn Lenten experience or not, take this moment to reflect and go to God with a true openness to accept His grace.

Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.

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