Ministry of Consolation hosts Lenten retreat for the bereaved

Msgr Esau Joseph and the Ministry of Consolation (MOC) of St Charles Borromeo RC Church, Tunapuna, hosted a one-day retreat for the bereaved on Saturday, March 7. The retreat attracted many men and women from various parishes.

Manuelita Gomez-Thomas, MOC member, shared an overview of the Ministry and its mission to support people experiencing grief and loss. She invited participants to begin the day with a simple reflective exercise, encouraging them to “inhale peace and exhale tension”. A calm and welcoming atmosphere was generated.

Philip Okafor led Praise and Worship engaging the gathering with lively gospel songs, including ‘Goodness of God’ and ‘Imela Okaka’, which means ‘Thank you, great and mighty creator of the world’ .

Barbara Wafe, President of MOC, then introduced the day’s agenda and reflected on the journey of grief. She spoke about the commonly known stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance—while reminding participants that grief does not follow a neat or predictable order.

She also shared the concept of a sixth stage proposed by American author and grief counsellor, Dr David Kessler, which focuses on finding meaning within the loss  while avoiding judgement as judgement brings pain for the ‘judge’ and hurt for the ‘offender’. This stage encourages individuals to gradually discover purpose and understanding while honouring the memory of their loved ones.

Participants were then invited to engage in small group discussions at their respective tables, each facilitated by a team leader. They shared their personal experiences of loss in a safe environment grounded in confidentiality, non-judgement, and attentive listening without advice.

Afterwards, representatives from each table shared highlights of their discussions, offering glimpses of the courage and resilience present within the room. Wafe reminded everyone that although grief gives us pause, we must continue to look for the light.

After a short break, the featured speaker, grief counselling psychologist, Ceirid Sampson, addressed the gathering. Her presentations focused on two important themes: ‘Children Are People Too’ and ‘Complicated Grief’.

Sampson emphasised the importance of truly seeing and listening to children, as they express themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. Parents and caregivers should reflect on how their emotional responses might influence the way children experience grief.

She posed two reflective questions for parents and caregivers:

• When the child becomes an adult, what might they say about your emotional response during difficult times?
• When the child is struggling, do they feel safe to approach you, or do they feel the need to hide their emotions?

Sampson explained that complicated grief occurs when individuals feel unable to move forward after loss. She clarified that grief is not only about missing someone but also about the emotional void and loss of purpose that can accompany bereavement.

She said grief never truly ends; rather, individuals gradually learn how to cope with it. She emphasised that complicated grief necessitates support and understanding from a counsellor.

Msgr Joseph offered a reflection on ‘The Spiritual You’. Grief is shared by the entire faith community, including the clergy, who often see parishioners as family. It is necessary to care for one’s spiritual life so that the soul does not become like “a dry and weary land”.

He encouraged practices such as silence, solitude, prayer, visiting sacred spaces, and Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. He described prayer as the oxygen of the spiritual life. He also reminded the faithful to pray for their priests just as priests pray for them.

Elizabeth Sankar prayed for the grace that would help participants to recognise that grief is not a final destination, but rather a necessary pause along life’s journey.

Wafe shared on ‘Grief Work to Recovery’. She reminded participants that the Resurrection of Jesus Christ offers imperishable hope even amid grief. She invited attendees to reflect in silence on two questions:

• What can I carry forward?
• How can I take care of myself?

Tips on getting rid of clutter, updating security and technology, caring for the physical, emotional, financial, spiritual self were shared as well as creating memoirs of loved ones. Participants were then invited to attend a short Mass celebrated by Msgr Joseph.

Msgr Joseph and the Ministry of Consolation extend sincere gratitude to all who contributed to the success of this meaningful retreat. Blessings to the participants who shared in the spirit of reflection, healing, and hope.

— Gail Britto