The stigma of infertility

Edith and Barry were now married for five years and, for the past year and a half, they have been trying to have a baby. They had used oral contraceptives while she completed law school, assured that when she was ready she just had to stop the pill, wait for about six months, then try to get pregnant. She knew that some women experience fertility problems after being on the pill.

After graduation, the tedious hours were not congruent with pregnancy or taking care of a newborn. It had not been easy. Her mother-in-law made it clear that time was running out for her. Even the well-meaning priest one Sunday after Mass had intimated that like Hannah, Sarah and Elizabeth she will soon be blessed with motherhood. She heard the whispers and sniggers behind her back.

During the time of contraceptive use, she ignored everyone, confident that when she decided to try for a child, success was guaranteed. Now, after a year and a half of trying she was desperate. Now the looks, the comments even from well-meaning persons felt like knives being twisted in her heart.

She had been charting her cycles following the Billings Ovulation Method® and showed good signs of fertility as indicated by the presence of cervical mucus. They had used the indicated fertile times of her cycle but with no success.

The doctor had recommended that they both do fertility assessments, but Barry had refused, insisting that it had to be a problem with her because she was already 40 years old. She felt the guilt of waiting so late to start a family.

After months of wrangling, she had conceded to doing the tests.

During dinner they engaged in small talk. Suddenly Barry changed the tone of the conversation.

“You looking a little tense, only monosyllables, What’s up?  Something at work?”

“I picked up the test results.”

“So, was I right?”

“I haven’t opened it yet.  I was waiting for you.”

She handed it to him.

He tore open the flap and scanned the contents with a smirk on his face. Edith watched as the smirk changed to a look of bewilderment.

He spoke slowly “All your results are good, and you should have no problem getting pregnant.”

She spoke deliberately, “You know what that means?”

“What you trying to say?” he was agitated.

“You have to get assessed.”

“Me. I not going for no semen test! I hear they give you pornographic material and send you in a room to ejaculate in a cup. Not me!” he said emphatically.

“So, you giving up just so? I know you want a child as much as I do.”

Suddenly his tone mellowed. “I was afraid of this. All the boys have children, even some who not married. They heckle me when we liming. They say I firing blanks.  They even say that you looking really good and you will get someone who could fire live rounds and bring a child for me.”

He looked broken. She held both his hands, and looked him in the eyes. “You are the only man for me. Give it a few days then we would start the process. Let us have a chat with our Billings teachers, they have always given us good advice.”

BOMA-TT Phone or WhatsApp: 384-1659, Email: naturalfertility@catholictt.org or billingstt@gmail.com, Local Website: billingstt.com, International Websites: woombinternational.org or billings.life

WHO April 4, 2023 Report

Around one in six persons of reproductive age or 17.5 per cent of the world adult population experience infertility in their lifetime. Infertility is defined as the failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.  Infertility results in significant distress, stigma and financial hardship affecting people’s mental and psychosocial well-being.

Among couples, infertility ranges between 15 and 20 per cent and indications are that males and females share the burden of infertility equally.