Choose forgiveness anyway

By Dara Wilkinson

Humanity gets us all hopping vex…but I try hard to hop only on the inside. Even if you are the sweetest soul—people vex you, too.

Our call in the ‘Lord’s Prayer’ is to forgive and here are three good reasons. Two are widely referenced and the last is less considered.

The first reason is that Jesus gave the example. He considered His torturers, lifted His eyes, and said “Father forgive them”. We pattern ourselves after His virtue and so forgive those who hurt us.

When we look at the stark injustice suffered by Jesus, a spotless Lamb, we, who deserve in part our boomerang comeuppance, can try as best we can to forgive offenders. Jesus had the ultimate moral high ground and handled it with generosity.

The second reason is empathy. We each have immediately regretted a transgression in the past and we would have wanted mercy and understanding. As such, someone may wish for similar compassion.

Even if the wrongdoer never admits, the odds are that sometimes people would be remorseful and wish for a do-over.

The less-mentioned reason has to do with the unseen forces of culture and being socialised. There are times people go with the flow without thinking or choosing. For example, daily gossip is a norm in some societies. In some places, telling a lie to get out of a traffic ticket is a glorious legend to recount later in a group lime. Similarly, coveting can be seen as a gray area instead of as injury against neighbour.

In one place I lived, I called for back-up having observed from my car that a stranger was in the yard holding a rod. The official said, “He probably just wants some fruit and nothing more. Just make a block and drive around for half an hour. I am sure he will be gone when you return.”

In this case, rightly or wrongly, the neighbourhood did not see this as a violation but more like grazing at a buffet. The tree was in my yard, but it was available to all.

In another instance, I observed one workplace in a Latin American country. There was nothing wrong or sinful about the following practice as far as I could see but I use it to show how culture sets the standard of normalcy.

Each morning, in one small office, all 28 employees would greet one another with a kiss on the cheek to start the day. At closing time, the same exchange of kisses occurred. In their culture, this was typical. They knew no other way.

Can you imagine work here in Trinidad and Tobago, and kissing every other employee before you could start work? They might watch you like you’re drunk or mad and might hustle off to HR to lodge that you’d become quite handsy with your fresh-up self.

My point is to underscore the invisible underlying forces that prod us without our awareness.

We have our Bible and our Church to guide us. Yet sometimes this guidance is squaring off with particular forces that puppeteer individuals who may wish to adhere to the faith, but who have been deeply and invisibly socialised by culture to miss the mark.

Forgiveness then acts as a sign here on Earth. The sign echoes the spiritual outpouring of grace and mercy God gives His children.

Regarding those who crucified Him, Jesus said, “They know not what they do”. They did not know they were part of realising the prophecies concerning the Messiah, fulfilling the Book. In another sense, they were products of their time and society, deeply steeped in the culture that life simply unfolded in certain ways.

The Parable of the Good Shepherd who leaves the flock to go in search of the lost sheep shows how the saving grace of God acts. By contrast, there is the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The merciful father ran out to welcome the son, but that son must have had to travel miles back home before the father could spot him on the horizon. The contrite son demonstrated that he wanted reconciliation.

One caution, though, is beware of harm or danger. There are people who may genuinely need more than your forgiveness. They may need trained experts or medical interventions to help them play nicely with others.

It is God’s desire for humanity to be reconciled to Him.

Our Abba Father has cooked the fatted calf and run out to meet us and put rings on our fingers and sandals on our feet. Shall we also not look out for one another and offer mercy?

“You are mine, Take my hand, Go in peace, Sin no more, Beloved one…”