Protect your peace

By Daniel Francis

You know how the story goes. The relationship soured, or the situationship has reached a point of toxicity that continuing would be to both parties’ detriment. What was once a joyous connection is now a constant war. The relationship did not have God at its core, and you could not remain.

It may not be that intense of a situation. You may have ended things on good terms, yet feelings are still lingering, but what do you do with those feelings?

Sometimes you may simply need to block him/her. It is not about being petty, it’s about protecting your peace. You still have access to each other, and for some, that spells trouble. You have identified that this relationship has reached its end, yet understandably, it is still on your mind.

You still want to talk to him/her, but is that a good idea? The turbulence that reaching out, or even obsessing over what you see on their social media, is not worth the headache. Blocking them is not about being petty but about protecting your peace.

You’ve forgiven him/her, sure. Yet forgiveness does not mean access. Forgiveness means you have released the negative emotions associated with the experience that you had with him/her.

You let him/her know that you have no ill-will for and you wish him/her the best. You have also forgiven yourself for your choices in the situation. You follow the Catholic teachings and forgive, yet access does not need to be granted after that point. Again, protect your peace.

The goal should really be healing once you have parted ways. How do you heal if the origin of that pain is still nearby? How do you heal if you are still orbiting the vicinity of that hurt, a constant reminder of what was? Healing does not require you to stay connected, especially if you are finding yourself struggling to let go. Proximity or access to you is affecting your healing process. Again, blocking is not about being petty but about protecting your peace and prioritising your healing process.

The reality is that some people God brings into our lives for a season. They are not meant to remain, whether for your own development or a hard lesson you forced upon yourself.

These individuals are not meant to continue along with you on your journey. Some doors close because you have outgrown the room. So why would you re-open the door and provide access to a room you know you have moved past?

This is the temptation of access. Without proper resilience and discipline, you can easily fall back into what you have moved on from.

He/she still watches your stories, so what? That is a cry for attention. Attention that is steeped in nostalgia, not affection, clinging to past feelings that are not present anymore. It creates confusion; it affects your peace.

We all know how nostalgia can keep us from new beginnings. We fantasise so much about what was that we rob ourselves of what will be. And if you think it is dramatic to block, I would argue that it is you being disciplined. Disciplined enough to know your boundaries and to stick to them.

And although boundaries can feel bitter, they are important, and they come from wisdom. We need to know what we stand for and not allow ourselves to accept what lies outside of that.

At the end of the day, God cannot bless what you refuse to release. If you keep holding on to what was when God has told you He has more and better for you, you are blocking your blessings.

Releasing that past can be awkward and distressing at first, but what you are working towards is peace, and it will feel better with time. So yes, block and protect your peace. Block and stay rooted in what God has planned for you. Block and stop holding on to the past when you know there is so much more for you if you simply look ahead.

Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.

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