40 Years in Couple Ministry

By Rev Hilary Bengochea

I leaned back sulking in the passenger seat, while Sandee drove the car towards Emmaus Centre, Arima. I had adopted an attitude of: ‘since you want to go on this Marriage Encounter weekend, you had better handle all arrangements’. I was annoyed but resigned to experiencing the weekend.

It was 1985 and just a few weeks after completing a very spiritually moving Life in the Spirit experience. But to say that we needed a marriage weekend, when I thought we had a perfectly good marriage, was quite another thing.

It was with this tentative, pouting start that Sandee and I embarked on what would be 40 years, this year, of serving the Church together in Ministry.

When I look back on the journey, I can only echo the words of the Psalmist: “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy” (Psalm 126:3).

That Marriage Encounter experience ignited in us a deeper awareness of our vocation as a married couple and inspired us to serve other families. Those early years shaped the foundation of our ministry: a deep conviction that marriage and family life are at the heart of the Church’s mission.

As a team couple and then as National Coordinators, we enthusiastically travelled, crisscrossing the country visiting couples and attending meetings. It was an exciting time in the movement and in our lives, taking our two toddler boys with us.

It was in this mode of missionary disciples that we were invited to serve as the Chair Couple of the Archdiocesan Family Life Commission. Nothing was beyond us, and the wind filled our sails.

It was a time of learning, service, and collaboration with many others who shared a passion for strengthening families. Out of that ministry, God opened a door into Catholic communications.

For ten years, from 1990 to 2000, we were blessed with the opportunity to write a weekly column on family life for The Catholic News. Writing those reflections each week challenged us to ground our words in lived family experience and in the hope that God’s grace is always at work, even in ordinary everyday struggles.

We began presenting in Marriage Preparation programmes, a ministry that continues to this day. It has been a profound privilege to accompany young couples at the threshold of their sacrament, helping them to reflect on love, communication, forgiveness, and faith. We have learned much from their questions and their courage to take the next step in life together.

The passing of Archbishop Anthony Pantin in 2000 coincided with the end of The Catholic News articles. There is a saying that when God closes a door, He opens another. And so, He did.

We were invited to participate in another form of communication: hosting a weekly television programme on family life.

Here Sandee’s efficacious, charming personality led the way. For 20 years until the Covid pandemic in 2020, this programme gave us the privilege of entering homes across Trinidad and Tobago, sharing messages of hope and encouragement for couples and families.

We never imagined that our small ‘yes’ to serving in Marriage Encounter would lead to such wide-reaching opportunities. Truly, God can take the simplest offering and multiply it for His people.

In 2015, at the request of the Archdiocese, to help with selling the Christian Community Bible, we gathered some friends and together founded a prayer group, Bible Circles Meditation, that brings together Lectio Divina and Christian Meditation.

That humble start has grown into a faith community that now numbers 20 committed members and another ten auxiliary members that meet every Monday. In October, we celebrate our ten-year anniversary.

But life in ministry is never smooth sailing. We encountered a most devastating storm in 2017 with the passing of our eldest child, Brett. The rough waters of Rampanalgas, on the Atlantic coast called him from us.

As he was a former leader of the St Mary’s College 6th Trinidad Sea Scouts, I can only surmise that Our Lady ‘Stella Maris’ called him to her.

I am still broken to this day. And not a day goes by without stabs of pain, as a sort of wound in my side.

Since then, our couple path has continued to unfold in ways we never expected. In 2022, I was ordained a Permanent Deacon for the Archdiocese. To serve at the altar, proclaim the Gospel, and accompany God’s people as a minister of the Church is a grace I can never fully put into words.

At the same time, Sandee has continued to deepen her own spiritual call. Today, she serves as the National Coordinator of Christian Meditation, helping many to discover the gift of contemplative prayer in daily life. Together, we still give talks on family life and remain committed to witnessing to the beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage.

Through it all, one truth has become clear: ministry is never our achievement, but always God’s grace at work. We have stumbled, we have been tired, and we have often wondered whether our small contributions made any difference. But time and again, God has reminded us that it is He who multiplies the loaves and fishes. Ours is simply to offer them with love.

We are also deeply aware that this journey has never been ours alone. Along the way, we have been supported by mentors, priests, religious, fellow married couples, colleagues in communications, and countless parishioners who have prayed for us and encouraged us.

We are profoundly grateful to our children and grandchildren, who have been our first and most important ministry. They have taught us humility, patience, and joy, and have often been the testing ground for the very lessons we shared in public.

Looking back, we see not just milestones, but moments of God’s faithfulness. From our first step into Marriage Encounter to our current roles in family life, diaconate, and Christian meditation, the hand of God has been guiding us steadily. Each phase has been a reminder that our vocation as husband and wife is not for ourselves alone, but for service to the wider Church and community.

We thank God for the privilege of being His instruments, for the gift of sharing life and ministry side by side, and for the hope that still stirs within us to continue serving as long as He gives us strength.

Our prayer is simple: that in whatever we do, others may not see us, but Christ does. We pray that families may be strengthened, that couples may be renewed in love, and that all of us may grow closer to God, who is the source of every blessing.