Living with clarity

By Daniel Francis

We live in a world with constant interactions, pressures, and expectations. The question is, how do we manage it all while still encompassing what’s important to us?

This thought came to me because of a simple internal monologue I had the other day. I was very frustrated by some of my clients. Most respected my time and would not message me outside of business hours; however, there were a select few who, regardless of how many times I told them not to, would message me outside of business hours. Sometimes even late at night.

I said to myself, “They can’t text me after 5 p.m.! That’s my boundary. I expect them to message me between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.! That’s my standard.” Yet when I gave it more thought, was it a boundary or a standard?

God, in His usual way of guiding me to see the right things, brought me to view a video that talked about the very thing I was pondering. The video went into detail about the differences and importance of understanding the differences between a boundary, a rule, an expectation, and a standard.

In my earlier internal monologue, I stated, “They can’t text me after 5 p.m.,” and this was my boundary, when, in truth, it was a rule. When I said, “I expect them to message me between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.,” and said this was my standard, it was an expectation. The distinction between these terms is important.

A boundary guides your behaviour. A rule is your trying to control someone else’s behaviour. Expectations are about what you hope others will do. Your expectations set the stage for disappointment or communication.

Standards are about what you allow in your life. Your standards shape your circle. So if I had to rework my earlier monologue in the correct format to fit these terms, it would be the following:

Rule: Clients can’t text me outside of business hours.

Boundary: I don’t respond to texts outside of business hours.

Expectation: I expect my clients not to message me outside of business hours.

Standard: I only accept clients who respect my business hours.

So, how do you use these in real life, and what is the context in faith?

Boundaries

Ask yourself, “What am I committed to doing or not doing?” Given that boundaries are rooted in your behaviour, that is, your response or reaction to situations or what others do, it all comes down to self-discipline and an act of stewardship of your time, energy, and soul. The true question you must ask yourself here is, “What are you committed to doing to protect your relationship with others and God?”

Rules

Ask yourself, “What am I trying to control?” Rules have to do with trying to bend an outcome or a person’s actions to what you want them to be. While rules are important, care must be taken here because rules not guided by love can lead to resentment.

When you try to control everything, you can become a burden to those around you. We have rules in the Bible that help guide our way forward, like the Ten Commandments, but in the context of rules you set, you must ask yourself, “Am I trying to control others instead of controlling myself?”

Expectation

Ask yourself, “What do I wish others would do?” Expectations are steeped in the hope that people will do what you expect them to do. The thing with expectations is that they can easily lead to disappointment if there is no clear communication. How can your expectations be met if you have not shared them? Even with that in mind, we must lightly hold our expectations because the only one we can expect perfection from is God. You must ask yourself, “What expectations do I place on others, and do I communicate them with love?”

Standard

Ask yourself, “What do I allow or not allow in my life?” Standards are less about judging people and more about who you surround yourself with. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”

He is urging the importance of choosing holiness and virtue not only by what we say and do, but by who we choose to surround ourselves with. The question you must ask yourself is, ‘What am I allowing in my life that shapes my faith for better or worse?’

I believe understanding and proper use of these four terms helps us live our lives with increased clarity. Clarity brings precision to actions.

I’ve always encouraged an intentional approach to life and especially faith. You don’t grow without some level of intentional thought and action. I hope that clarity of understanding all of this will help you set the stage for your life with a renewed view.

Daniel Francis, author of The Millennial Mind, The Millennial Experience, and How to Write and Self-Publish Your Book, is an entrepreneur passionate about leadership and storytelling. As a leadership development coach at Rebit Limited, he has spent the last four years equipping individuals to thrive personally and professionally. He also leads One Momentum Publishing, a hybrid publishing company through which he has guided hundreds of authors on their journey from idea to published book.

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