The gift of Catholic friendships

By Renée Smith comms.camsel@catholictt.org

I’ve been reflecting for quite a while about how Catholic friendships can be a powerful witness of faith and an encounter with Christ.

During my teens, I attended a Catholic secondary school, and I didn’t have a single Catholic friend. At the time, I couldn’t put it into words, but I deeply desired it. I had many wonderful friends from those years, many of whom were Christian and non-Christian but I still remember the sting of inviting them to Mass at the Catholic church nearby, only to be met with teasing or outright rejection.

At a young age, I didn’t realise how much that shaped me. Even though I attended Mass faithfully, did First Communion and Confirmation, none of those encounters helped me form longstanding friendships.

My two years doing the Caribbean Advanced Proficiency Examination (CAPE) at Holy Faith Convent, Penal changed that a bit as most of the students were practising Catholics and seemed to genuinely enjoy spending time with God.

Still, deep down, I shied away from speaking about God and my faith to those I befriended. For me, school never felt like a safe space to be vulnerable about spirituality and so I began to feel like God, and I were in a private bubble, just the two of us. I hesitated to share the ways God was working in my life because I didn’t want to be mocked or hear the familiar, “You’re a real church girl, eh?”

When I went off to university, the question lingered: Would I ever have solid, Catholic friends?

Again, I was blessed with close friends who became like family, people I loved liming and laughing with. But sometimes I felt misunderstood when I’d express I wanted to go to Mass, that I had an article due for The Catholic News, instead of doing something “fun”.

Even when I’d explain that a burden had been lifted because I spent time before the Blessed Sacrament, the reaction was always an awkward one.

I tried attending Masses and attending a few Catholic activities but it felt like the community already had its circles, and I was on the outside looking in.

As I began working as a faith communicator within the Archdiocese, I met many people and made plenty of acquaintances but acquaintances aren’t the same as friends.

Looking back, I realise I could have been more intentional. I really prayed for Catholic friends, but I didn’t always place myself in spaces where those friendships could grow, like youth groups, pilgrimages, frequent Adoration, service projects, or faith-sharing groups.

I also may not have been completely surrendering to the possibility of befriending another based on past experiences. Therefore, simply asking God wasn’t enough, I needed to be vulnerable and cooperate with His work in my life.

Fast forward to 2023. As I prepared for World Youth Day in Portugal, the desire surfaced again. At that point, I had just a handful of solid, Catholic friends (and my stories of meeting them are only by God’s grace).

Of course, I wanted to see Pope Francis and offer my loved ones in prayer during the pilgrimage but deep down, I also hoped I’d make more Catholic friends. My expectations were low, given my track record, so I told myself, “girl, just be yourself” and trust God with the rest.

During the pilgrimage, something shifted. I experienced moments when fellow pilgrims became friends because we supported each other, spiritually, emotionally, and practically.

We prayed for one another, encouraged each other through challenges, and kept each other accountable in faith. My roommate, Sherrinne, from that trip is now one of my closest friends, someone I know I can call on for prayer, for encouragement and we continue to have many shared experiences as sisters in Christ.

Since then, it feels like God has opened the floodgates. I now find it easier to connect with people in Catholic spaces, and these friendships are life-giving. As one priest friend once reminded me: “Keep people close to you who breathe life into you.”

That’s exactly what Catholic friendships have become for me, friendships with a deeper purpose: to draw closer to Christ and grow in virtue. What I have come to learn is that making social connections were easy but were they Christ-centred?

Our Catholic friendships should encourage us when life feels heavy, celebrate with us when grace overflows, and keep us anchored when the world tries to pull us away.

If you’ve been longing for friendships like this, ask God but also be ready to step up emotionally and into spaces where those relationships can grow. You might be surprised at how He answers.