Intentionality remains key for child safety during holidays

By 
Lara Pickford-Gordon

snrwriter.camsel@catholictt.org

Beach, camps, games, sports, travel—with two more weeks to go, the holidays are still a time of leisure and fun for children. But it can also be a time of heightened risk if children are not properly supervised.

In an interview, Clinical Psychologist Alicia Hoyte told The Catholic News about the importance of parents being deliberate and intentional.

Parents and guardians as primary caregivers shoulder the burden. However, Hoyte said they need the support of the “village”. This can take the form of accessing activities organised in the community, from the police youth clubs and the church parish.

“Whatever is happening in my community I can then plan or schedule,” Hoyte said. Using herself as an example, she said she checked the Arima Community Info Resource Centre on Facebook to find out what is happening. Hoyte suggested parishes can become au courant with what is going on so they can guide parents.

Intentionality with interactions

Hoyte stressed communication through family meetings and conversations. She explained, “where we acknowledge the challenges in our reality, in our situation. And in those conversations and through connection I try to build with my child, maybe we set some rules or some limits that we are going to engage in to keep ourselves safe”.

Hoyte added that the child can see “somebody cares, somebody is trying, somebody is paying attention albeit these difficult situations we have to deal with.”

Taking time to check in

There are parents who do not have holidays coinciding with their child/children’s, but connections can take place in household chores and playing games together.

Family routines like starting and ending the day with prayer build a sense of safety and predictability for children. Hoyte mentioned other activities which the child can contribute to helping a neighbour, a family in the community who is in need and volunteering, for example, at a camp.

Hoyte said: “We’ve lost that sense of agency when we don’t recognise that how we relate with each other is important. So, taking the time for affection, taking the time for genuine connection, how we serve each other and help each other and how we build relationships.”

The domestic Church can be strengthened in everyday encounters. Hoyte said, “the same way we budget our money, we need to budget time and energy.”  Taking time to check in with the child at the start or end of the day is a safety measure. Hoyte said, “Listen for their tone, listen to what they tell you went on that day, how they are feeling, is there anything you need to pay attention to in their environment, you would know.”

Keeping children safe

Hoyte shared approaches to safety for children of different ages. A proactive approach to safety is needed for infants and young children. Considerations should be given to: “What’s the space they’re gonna be in? I need to spend a little time thinking what are the safety hazards in the physical space that I need to pay attention to? Who’s watching my children while I have to be off at work? Is there somebody I can feel comfortable with? Do they pay attention the way I want?”

Hoyte said parents can provide guidelines of what they want the child to be exposed to during the day. For school age/early adolescence children the focus is on setting rules and limits, “geared primarily to safety”.  A schedule of activities can be prepared.

For school-age children/early adolescents who have more freedom, Hoyte said the focus should be on setting rules to preserve safety. She said: “I am again having to be intentional around what are the rules and limits I am setting… maybe I am setting a schedule for them so their time when they are off the screen, maybe they’re not going on their screens until a certain hour or after”.

Commenting further on vigilance with online activity, Hoyte said, “Maybe I have my filters in place, or the account is attached to somebody else’s account. Maybe it’s a matter of when they’re online or physically, where they are online so they can be supervised.”

For older adolescents and young adults, “safety is more of a conversation” she said. Parents find out what their children’s plans are for personal safety—arrangements for transport, the environment they will be in, and with whom they will be socialising.

Hoyte said, “What’s happening with drinking? What’s happening with smoking? What’s your plan when you are in that environment, if you know your friends may be using weed [marijuana]?…A lot of the responsibility now falls on this older child”.

Even when the child exercises more independence, parents are still present for them. Hoyte suggests parents can stay connected by asking questions like: “where do you need me? Do you need a ride home? Do you need to be able to call me if there is an emergency?”