The Evolution of Self—Coming out of the dark

By Camille Ramdial-Cumberbatch

“Coming out of the dark, I finally see the light now, and it’s shining on me.”

These words made famous by Gloria Estafan’s 1991 hit song, aptly describe how I feel, 18 months after my husband Michael’s passing. During this period, I openly expressed my pain, fears, uncertainties and concerns. These were all normal emotions on my grief journey. Now, too, I want to share my hopefulness and intentionality, which I pray inspires someone who may be experiencing their own loss.

Based on the stages of grief proposed by Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, I realised that I am now at the ‘Acceptance stage’.  I feel energised and motivated to focus on my future. This does not mean that my grief will not resurface, but healing is taking place—mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

American clinical psychologist, Dr Sarah Grundle purports that “acceptance means embracing the present, understanding the extent of the loss rather than fighting it, accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions, and then starting your journey toward a new phase of life with contentment.”

You may ask, how can someone transition to this stage? Some considerations that can be helpful are:

• Firstly, understanding that we have our own paths and timeframes on our journey. I believe it is important to listen and be inspired by others, but not to compare or criticise yourself. Instead, be self-compassionate and patient. Maybe consider self-reflection and journalling to discover how you are evolving. I asked myself many times, “What am I learning from my experience? How is God showing Himself to me? In what ways am I growing and changing?”
• Being thankful. Understandably, this may be difficult to do as you grieve. However, I have found that identifying and appreciating blessings, no matter how small, were helpful to me building a positive mindset. Sometimes even a challenge may be a blessing in disguise.
• Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of people. The power of love really heals, whether it’s from family, friends, peers, or sometimes even strangers. Loss also reveals who you can truly trust and depend on, so pruning relationships sometimes becomes necessary, even if difficult to do. Choose to engage with people who make you laugh, encourage you to do new things, take care of or support you in times of need.
• Be purposeful. Take each day at a time but continue to look towards your future, even if you may not be too clear now about what it holds for you. Being involved in something you are passionate about or brings you joy, even as a volunteer, can give purpose to your day or help you reconnect with your purpose. I know it may not be easy, but start thinking of and focusing on your goals, and dreams. This will help you become intentional and encourage you to move forward, step by step. Recently, I felt as if I was coming out of a fog and was better able to envision my intentions. I also realised God was aligning things for me to proceed, so I have chosen to embrace this opportunity, believing Jeremiah 29:11, which states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Through the ups and downs of the past year and half, I am certain about one thing for myself, and my family—God is with us, shining His light upon us! While I still cry and miss my husband, I pray that my testimony inspires someone to believe that healing will take place, in time, and that the deep pain or ache will lessen.  I want to encourage those of us who are grieving, that we progress on our journey as Pilgrims of Hope, firmly believing and declaring “You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light” (2 Sam 22:29).

Let us become a beacon to others as we shine our light for God’s glory. Let us fulfil His purpose for us and be a testament of His strengthening love, to help others reaffirm their faith in Him.

Photo by Dyu – Ha on Unsplash