The silent struggle: motherhood and mental health

By Dr Margaret Nakhid-Chatoor

Psychologist and educator

Mother’s Day was celebrated last Sunday, May 11. While motherhood is often portrayed as a joyful and fulfilling experience, for many women, it is also a time of immense emotional and psychological strain.

While society celebrates mothers for their sacrifices, it often overlooks the silent battles they face, particularly when it comes to mental health. Instead of receiving support, many mothers struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions are met with stigma from family, co-workers, and even friends.

This stigma not only harms mothers but also has lasting consequences for their children, shaping their emotional well-being and future relationships. Children raised by mothers struggling with untreated mental health conditions often experience emotional instability, attachment difficulties, and increased risks of developing anxiety-related disorders and depression themselves.

Josie

The school principal had called in Josie’s mother on several occasions to take her daughter home. Josie was a brilliant child, only ten years old and had begun to self-harm (cutting herself on her arms). She was constantly crying and did not do any of her homework.

In her notebooks were simple drawings of sad faces, and she had told her friends, little people like she was, that she wanted to die. They told Miss.

Further investigations revealed that Josie and her three siblings were often left alone for many hours while Mum slept or went on shopping sprees or cried and took tablets. The father had left the family for another.

Daniel

Daniel’s parents were success stories. To the public, the family was the perfect example of what society expected. Daniel was 17 years old, attended a prestigious school and wanted to be a lawyer. He battled with extreme mood swings, hitting his mother on occasion, and cursing like a sailor. His father turned a blind eye to his son’s unravelling distress as he was too busy. His mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, on medication and an alcoholic.

The reality many mothers face

Motherhood comes with immense responsibilities, and the pressure to be the ‘perfect mother’ can be overwhelming. Many mothers experience postpartum depression, anxiety disorders, and other mental health challenges as depicted in the scenarios above, yet they often feel compelled to hide their struggles due to societal expectations.

Studies show that common disorders such as anxiety, depression, and self-harm account for nearly half of the mental health burden among young adults in Trinidad and Tobago.

Many of these individuals grew up in households where maternal mental health struggles were ignored or dismissed, perpetuating cycles of emotional distress. Children who witness their mothers battling mental health challenges without support may internalise feelings of neglect, guilt, or confusion. As adults, they may struggle with relationships, self-esteem, and even have their own mental health challenges.

Yet mothers are expected to sacrifice their physical and mental well-being in silence, while caring for their children and families. There is societal pressure to be a ‘good’ mother—always loving, patient, and present—so that when mothers do struggle with mental health issues, they feel guilty for speaking up.

They are conditioned to believe that expressing vulnerability makes them a burden, unfit for motherhood, or selfish in their desires to want time alone, or to have the space needed for healing.

While mothers facing mental health struggles endure specific hardships, even those who appear ‘normal’ by societal standards carry an immense weight. For many women, motherhood is exhausting, demanding, and often thankless and they feel overlooked and expected to manage everything without complaint—from childcare to household responsibilities to professional careers.

Society tends to celebrate mothers on Mother’s Day, but what about the other 364 days of the year? Support should be ongoing, and not just symbolic gestures or fleeting recognition.

Breaking the stigma

The first step in addressing maternal mental health is by having open conversations. Mental health should be treated with the same urgency as physical health, and mothers should feel empowered to seek help without fear of being judged or ostracised by others.

Employers must recognise the importance of maternal mental health and implement policies that support working mothers. Paid maternity leave for longer periods, flexible work arrangements, and mental health resources can make a significant difference in the workplace.

Families, friends, and communities must play a role in supporting mothers. Instead of dismissing their struggles, loved ones should offer encouragement, listen without judgement, and help mothers access professional care.

Governments and healthcare institutions must prioritise mental health services, ensuring that therapy and counselling are accessible and affordable. Greater investments are needed to meet the growing demand for these services.

Motherhood should not be synonymous with silent suffering. This kind of silence is dangerous. It leads to burnout, untreated depression, and even worsening mental health conditions.

It also teaches children—especially daughters—that suffering in silence is normal, continuing the ‘culture of silence’ and the cycle of stigma for generations. By breaking the stigma, advocating for better policies, and fostering a culture of support, we can ensure that mothers receive the care they deserve.

When mothers thrive, their children thrive, and society benefits from the mental health and well-being of mothers. Take care.