Joy and Gratitude even in Sorrow

1 year ago, my husband Mike became unconscious and was hospitalised for two weeks before passing away on March 14. The trauma of his hospitalisation resurfaced every time I looked at the calendar and realised that the end of February was quickly approaching.  As we get closer to the first anniversary since his passing, I reflect on how I would not have managed this bereavement without God’s presence and love in my life.  I can emphatically affirm the most powerful positive outcome has been my deepening faith and trust in the Lord. Psalm 28:7 clearly expresses how I feel: “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”

God bestowed upon me countless blessings in daily experiences and in the major aspects of my life, for which I am deeply thankful. I emphatically declare as my mantra, “It is only but God!” based on my experience this past year.

One of the blessings I am most thankful for was being able to write and share my thoughts, emotions and experiences on this Woman’s Blog. God used this Catholic News forum as a source of healing for me and others.  The Holy Spirit would guide my writing to express my pain, discharge my hurt or concern and voice my uncertainty about the next steps, which was very cathartic. I was told continuously by others how my sharing helped them too, reaffirming that this was God’s will.  I therefore encourage others to consider writing and journalling as part of their healing and to help others also.

During my bereavement, God also made His love evident through others. It became visible and tangible in interactions with family, friends, peers, clients, coworkers and even from people who I didn’t even know well.  They manifested His love through their calls, visits, care, comforting words and attention, which were all treasured by me. God’s love was also visible in other ways:

• Through His Word and Mass, He comforted me and reminded me of His promises of care and support. The very first time was a few days after Mike passed, I heard the words, “Be not afraid” in my subconscious before becoming fully awake. That ended up being the hymn that was sung that very morning at Mass and was the promise made in the Mass reading.
• He provided for me financially by securing and creating opportunities in my professional life.
• He blessed our son Joshua with success in his job, as he was awarded top performer in his role with an international company, in his first year.

Proof as to why I deeply believe in my mantra, “It is only but God!”

Along with my feelings of gratitude for God’s blessings this past year, joy also resurrected in my heart over time. Although sadness still exists, joyful memories shared in my years with Mike have resurfaced, reinforcing love and laughter as the legacy of our relationship. Two things helping with this are:

1. Looking at pictures of him and of us as a family over the years in a digital frame I got as a gift, from two photobooks I did recently and wall pictures in our home. This reminds me of our beautiful, happy memories, even as I grieve. It makes me smile or laugh throughout the day and encourages discussion with others, keeping Mike alive in our hearts and minds.
2. Remembering experiences of our travels together sparked by the ornaments/mementos in our home. Others may consider them clutter but I see them as proof of our relational journey, which can be memorialised and celebrated.

To me this reinforces the importance of spending time creating memories with loved ones while they are with us, so we can joyfully connect with the emotions the memory stirs, when they are gone.

God can and will be there for you too, if you believe and trust in Him!  Knowing He is with me and has a purpose for me, gives me peace of mind. Both Mike and I firmly believe in His word, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13) and I await his plans for me in 2025, trusting that “all things will work together for good.”