From gangs to grace: filling the hole of neglect

By Fr Robert Christo, Vicar for Communications

In the Caribbean, we’re no strangers to the phrase: “it takes a village to raise a child.” But what happens when the village disappears, and the child is left to navigate life alone? This is the reality many of our young people face, as cycles of neglect—fatherlessness, motherlessness, and emotional absence—take root and bear bitter fruit: gangs, crime, and broken lives.

In the past, many parents may have left their children behind in search of a better life abroad, sending back barrels of sneakers, bling, and goodies, but no hugs, no example, no prayers, no presence.

These ‘barrel children’ grew up lacking something no gift can replace: a loving, guiding family. Neglect mushroomed. To an extent, coupled with the two-shift school system from the 1980s and lack of supervision, children sought belonging elsewhere. For some, it was bad company, now gangs; for others, unwed and child pregnancies. And so began a vicious cycle: children raising children, households without guidance or resources, and generations yearning for love but finding it in all the wrong people and places.

The Mighty Sparrow in 1969 sang: “Children go to school and learn well, otherwise yuh go ketch real hell”. Dr Eric Williams, at his inaugural speech for the country’s independence in 1962, warned children that “the future is in your book bags,” but even a good education cannot always fill the hole left by missing parent(s).

Neglect is a wound that cuts deep—psychologically, spiritually, and socially. Even those who ‘make it’ often carry scars of abandonment. The truth is a house is not a home without love and a sense of belonging and self-worth.

The pain of labels

Children whose parents are labelled as ‘chile mother’ or ‘chile father’ face a unique stigma. These terms reduce them to their challenges and can crush their spirits. Behind these labels are young people who are already grappling with enormous negative peer pressure, responsibilities, broken dreams, and societal judgement. This stigma compounds their pain and leaves them feeling unworthy.

The Church must lead in affirming the dignity of every child, rejecting these harmful labels, and instead offering hope, encouragement, and a way forward.

When parents go their separate ways, or when they are physically present but emotionally absent, children are often left stranded, trying to navigate the pain on their own. This can lead to self-destructive behaviours like wrist-cutting or other forms of self-harm— a cry for help, a desperate attempt to deal with feelings of abandonment.

We cannot ignore these cries. The Church must continue to advocate for mental health resources, family counselling, and pastoral care to reach these young people in their moment of greatest need.

One Confirmation candidate once said, “Do parents think we’re dollies?” This simple yet profound question reflects the deep emotional neglect many children feel. They don’t want material things; they want touch, presence, love, and support.

Some young people, burdened by the scars of neglect, ask a difficult but honest question: ‘Will there ever be an opportunity to sue my parents?’ While legal recourse may not always be the answer, it underscores the need for accountability. Neglect is not just a family issue; it is a societal issue. The Church must help foster a culture of reconciliation, where wounds are acknowledged, and both children and parents are given tools for healing and restoration.

The first church: the home

The family is the first church, the domestic altar. If that altar is abandoned, the fire of faith cannot burn. Like a priest without his congregation, a child without a loving parent flounders. It’s not just the absence of a parent; it’s the absence of formation.

Imagine a fisherman with a torn net. If he doesn’t mend it, he will lose every catch. Upon reflection from my parish experiences thus far, the Church—alongside governments, NGOs, and community groups— must continue to mend these ‘nets’. Let’s prioritise more on youth and family life solutions:

1. Parenting ministries: Host family formation programmes that teach emotional presence and healthy communication. Give parents tools to parent well in today’s chaotic world. “Don’t just give them a barrel—be the blessing in their lives!”
2. Mentorship programmes: Deepen mentorship initiatives within communities. Think of it as a ‘spiritual big brother/big sister programme.’ Connect at-risk youth with elders who can guide, encourage, and love them.
3. Safe spaces for youth: Parishes must become sanctuaries of belonging. Youth groups, sports ministries, and creative programmes, especially e-communication initiatives, can draw young people away from the streets. As one priest said, “If they’re not at Mass, they’ll find another gathering—make sure your altar is more attractive than their smart phones and street corners!”

Filling the inner hole

Psychologically, neglect creates deep wounds. Spiritually, it creates insatiable hunger—a longing for the father’s love. The Church’s mission is to point to the father, to the mother, offering formation, healing, hope, and redemption. We need to reawaken the community and remind parents, children, and families that no one is neglected in God’s eyes.

Let’s mend the nets. Let’s restore the village. Let’s heal the neglected heart. The time is now, Church. It is Jubilee Year!