N Mohammed
This personal testimony reflects the writer’s journey as an unmarried mother within the Church. It challenges us to reflect on how we embody Christ’s mercy and support for life while grappling with human imperfection.
The Church teaches that pregnancy itself is not a sin. It is the act of premarital sex that is sinful, but we are called to value all human life, encourage unwed mothers to choose life, and show compassion, mercy, and support while upholding marriage’s sanctity.
Being unmarried and with child can be a bewildering choice of excursion. Whether you are the passenger or driver in this predicament, the outcome is most often predictable in the church arena. On one hand, you may wish to acknowledge the gift of ‘bringing life forth’, ‘being able to conceive’, ‘carry to term’ and even continue the generation or bloodline. However, others may view this as ‘celebrating sin’. So, it is with tact and diplomacy that you tackle your pregnancy announcement; remembering you chose life.
First, the endless questions and snide remarks commence, upon seeing your ‘bun in the oven’. “I did not know you were married; you are married right?”; “What will your mother tell you?”; “Well…well…what is in the dark must come to light, but I had no idea that you were ‘active’”; “Playing saint, look at you now!”; “You have allergies?”; “You look swell!” etc. And there is the burning question of: “Who is the father?”
I keep reminding myself that, “I chose life”.
Termination of the foetus was never considered an option for me. But, I often times wonder if many other young unmarried expecting mothers made that choice for fear of being at the centre of scrutiny, wearing what many see as a visible badge of disgrace and humiliation. Obviously, the stain of that sin never goes away as it is mentioned often and revisited when someone recalls your good qualities, and your character is being assessed…. then comes the ‘but’: unmarried with child.
I always remind myself that “I chose life”.
It is wrong to take life, but when you choose to give life, is it right to be constantly judged for that same sin? You are forever seen as unmarried and with child.
Many years later, I think back and wonder, “Is it that the Church needs to retrain its members on how to treat with this matter that is more common than the common cold?” Nevertheless, sin in any form, fashion, manner or measure should not be downplayed. Subsequently, how many times are we supposed to forgive the sinner, according to the Bible? How many people continue to fornicate but because their sin is not showing, we continue to hold them in high esteem. But do we give grace to the young and unmarried, who chose life instead?
Being a mother takes a toll on your whole being: your body, soul, mind and spirit, and, choosing to be an unmarried mother while being involved in Church, consequently creates a new set of challenges. It can make one question the people that represent the church and all its teachings.
As we begin this Jubilee journey, I encourage you to give grace to the scared, worried and ashamed young women, the unmarried child-bearers who in this crazy world, still chose life.