Trusting even in the sadness: It is easier said than done

By Shanice Padmore

One month before my whole whorld came tumbling down, I gave a wonderful and inspiring talk to a group of teeneagers about forgiveness and about how you can find God even in the most painful moments of your life. My Whats app was filled with accolades from persons who felt I had touched them tremendously with that talk.

One month later, a grave injustice was done to me by someone I called my friend. The stench of his betrayal could not leave me. It was then that I realised that I preached of forgiveness easily because no one had ever before done anything to rock my world, shatter my soul and make me doubt all of humanity. I realised how easy it was for me to encourage people to be better because I had never experienced this depth of pain. I literally did not know how to forgive him.

One week later, I was so broken, I went to Mt St Benedict to pray and on my way back home, I was travelling from Curepe when a beautiful young woman turned around and said “oh its you?” She did not look familiar. I pride myself on always recognising others but I just could not recognise her. Maybe she was one of my students, I asked her name and it still did not ring a bell. As seats became empty I moved to sit next to her and we started chatting. She reminded me of where I knew her from and we laughed and laughed and since both of us were ardent talkers we almost missed our stop.

Well the talk was so sweet, that I forgot my problems. We decided we could have an early dinner together. Again, we laughed and talked and midway through I felt so comfortable that I decided to share my painful story. It was humiliating, it was an ultimate betrayal but it also showed me to be naive for I trusted way too many people in the story. She was what one would call a staunch catholic, she started to recite prayers, novena and bible verses that would take me out of my misery. I felt that God had sent her to me. Then shared her story too.

She told me that she was a cancer survivor but just discovered that the cancer had returned. She was a single mother, she was about to have surgery and she didnt give a damn! She laughed and I stood in awe! She was taking life by the horns, she was fighting back! She was not going to lose. I kept thinking wow!

She told me that she had forgiven everyone who hurt her in the past and had nothing in her heart but love. So that’s what they are going to find when they open her up, just love. My huge problem that seemed insurmountable now seemed so tiny. My issues were so small she had it right. I had it wrong. Just trust God to see you through and fill your soul with love instead.

I went home that day with a new prayer in my heart. I prayed for the ability to trust God wholeheartedly and that chance encounter led me to create a personal prayer with God.
“God, I want to trust You. When I don’t know what to do, I’ll trust You. When I don’t understand why it is happenening, I’ll trust You. Help me to do my part with Your help, and when I’m done, I’ll trust You to do the rest.” Jesus I trust in you.