Wednesday December 18th: We are called to live Emmanuel.
December 18, 2024
Adulting
December 18, 2024

When the Wolf Comes: Addressing Domestic Violence and False Narratives Against Husbands

By Camille Mc Millan Rambharat

Growing up, one of the stories I read was The Boy Who Cried Wolf. That children’s tale always made me ask the question: Why all the lies? Was it for attention? Loneliness? Now, as an adult, I wonder if he was displaying narcissistic tendencies, gaslighting behaviours—or perhaps he was someone who was never held accountable for his actions.

Reflecting on my upbringing in the Caribbean, I often heard women say things like, “I can’t be with him—he’s too nice” or “he’s too good, “I don’t want a man I can control.” These statements puzzled me. The first time I witnessed a husband being physically assaulted by his wife, I was around 21 years old. He was beaten in front of his male friends, neighbours, and their three young children. I was shocked. What struck me even more was the reaction of his friends—they shrugged it off, saying it was ‘normal’ for that couple as they laughed as we drove away and went about our business.

In light of Movember, a month dedicated to men’s health advocacy, we’re reminded that it’s okay for men to say, “I’m not okay.” Yet there remains a persistent stigma around men acknowledging vulnerability, particularly when it comes to domestic violence. We call these men names such as “soft man” or “kunumunu”.

Consider the high-profile Johnny Depp and Amber Heard courtroom drama, where the dynamics of domestic violence and gaslighting were publicly scrutinised. Depp, ultimately seen as the victim, shattered the assumption that husbands cannot experience abuse. Still, why is it so difficult for society to accept that husbands can be victims—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally?

Domestic violence is a serious issue, and no one—husband or wife—deserves such treatment. However, what is rarely discussed is how some wives manipulate the narrative of domestic violence, weaponising false accusations for sympathy, attention, or to avoid accountability. False claims don’t just damage the individuals they target; they undermine the credibility of genuine victims who are fighting to be believed.

Proverbs 6:16-19 reminds us of what God detests, including “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies.” When false accusations are used to harm others, they not only destroy lives but also disrupt justice and healing for real victims.

So, as a society, what are we doing to prevent and address violence against husbands? Do they know where they can turn for support? Are there workshops or safe spaces for them and young men to openly say, “I’m not okay”? We need to create environments where husbands feel seen, heard, and supported.

The story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf ends with tragedy. When the wolf finally came, no one believed him, and no one came to his rescue. Falsehoods, whether for attention or manipulation, erode trust and leave real cries for help unanswered. We must ensure that our advocacy for victims paves the way for truth, justice, and healing, so no one is left unheard when they truly need help.

Be Kind