Navigating Grief After Losing My Father

By Suelin Novarro

The end of October this year made it eight years since the passing of my beloved father. I am my father’s only daughter and the last child, so naturally everyone I met would say that I was the apple of his eye. Honestly, not a day went by while he was alive did, I ever feel any different. Having my father as part of my life truly helped to form a large part of who I am today. My father was my first male role model, and the relationship we shared shaped how I saw myself and the world around me. When my father passed on from this life, my world shattered. The shock and pain were immense and navigating that loss required a delicate blend of processing that grief and finding ways to move forward in my new normal.

How timely was it that he died on the heels of All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days beginning the Month of the Dead, a time marked by reflection, remembrance, and prayer for the souls of the departed in the Church. This afforded me the sacred opportunity to navigate grief while honouring my father’s life and legacy. It is important to recognise that grief does not follow a set timeline. It ebbs and flows, sometimes hitting unexpectedly and at other times, easing into bittersweet acceptance. As I write this article, tears fill my eyes but there is now an innate joy and renewed confidence in God’s promises and of what awaits us all in paradise. However, this was not the case in the early time after his death.

I found myself longing for my father’s presence, his voice, his advice, his embrace when all the buzz of the funeral had passed, and all my friends and family left. My father and I both worked on the same compound, so he would drive me to work every morning, and we would often meet for lunch and then head back home after work on most days. After his death, I wondered how I would be able to head to work again, face milestones without him, or navigate life’s challenges without the guidance I once took for granted especially as a teenager. After his death, I found myself at his graveside after work for some time. I cried and had so many burning questions for God but in hindsight, this was all part of the grieving process.

Grief can seem lonely, especially if others around you do not fully understand the depth of your loss. From my point of view, once grief is experienced, it is like a lifelong companion that just becomes more controllable as time passes, or you find ways to adapt to a life with loss. Now for those at the beginning of their grief, it is not a journey you need to take alone because Jesus is with you every step of the way, carrying you through and comforting you if only you let Him in. November every year offers a powerful time and reminder to turn to prayer and memory as tools for healing. For navigating my grief, I found that prayer provided a space to express my sorrow, honour my father and all my departed loved ones, and seek solace from God.

Here are a few guidelines on what has helped me over the years. Hopefully, it can help to bring you some comfort in your time of loss.

1. Praying for Your Father Begin by remembering your father, offering Mass for him and writing his name in the book of the dead at your parish. Take a moment each day to lift him up before God, thanking Him for the gift of your father’s life and the lessons he imparted. Ask God to grant your father peace, rest, and joy in His eternal presence. Offer up penance for sins he may not have confessed or had the time to make amends for, also any unforgiveness on your part to release and forgive him for any wrongdoings and pray that his period of cleansing in purgatory be shortened once it is the will of God.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the life of my father, for his love, guidance, and strength. I ask that You receive him into Your loving arms and grant him eternal peace. If there are any sins he has failed to atone for, I offer up my prayers, sacrifices, and sufferings on his behalf. Accept my prayers to help him find rest and freedom from the burden and stain of sin. Please help me carry his memory with grace and find comfort in Your promises. Amen.

2. Praying for the Souls of the Departed The Month of the Dead is a time when we remember not only our fathers but all those who have passed on. The Church encourages the faithful to pray for the souls of the departed, as our prayers can aid them in their journey toward God’s eternal Kingdom. As you pray for your father, extend that prayer to other loved ones who have passed, both in your family and in your community.

Lord, I lift to You all those who have passed from this life

. May their souls be received into Your peace, and may their memory live on in our hearts. Comfort all who are grieving and grant us the strength to carry forward with love. Amen.

3. The Power of Memory Casting all the memories aside or suppressing them does not help. Memory, while a source of pain at times, can also be a source of healing. I remembered cleaning, preparing for the Christmas Season one year and I found some old coasters that he would often use at that time of year when entertaining guests at our home and the tears just could not stop flowing. This showed me how the little and the most unlikely things hold so many memories, but I allowed myself to feel the emotions in the moment. As fond memories are shared, allow them to bring both sorrow and joy, serving as a reminder of the love shared and the life he led.

Amid my grief, prayer was my lifeline, always keeping the communication open with God even in times I was angry or immensely sad. It continues to centre my emotions, calm my heart, and turn my sorrow into trust, accepting all as it is a part of God’s plan. If the pain feels overwhelming, turning to the prayer of the Rosary or spending time in Adoration brings healing, along with seeking help from professionals. These acts invite the presence of Christ and the saints into your grief, reminding you that you are not alone in your suffering.

May the power of your faith, memory of your dearly departed loved one and prayer help guide you through the sorrow, offering you the comfort and healing you need, and may your father rest forever in the peace of God’s eternal embrace.

Eternal Rest grant unto [say your father or loved one’s name, O Lord,

and let perpetual light shine upon him.

May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,

through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen.

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying out or pain, for the world that was, has passed away.”