Building relationships

By Judy Joseph McSween, Organisation development consultant and Christian Meditation teacher

In the first segment of this series (October 20—26 issue), we journeyed with Jesus during His encounter with the adulteress in John 8:2–11 (NRSV), and were able to identify His self-awareness, His nonviolent approach in a conflict situation, His willingness to forgive, His compassion and His ability to encourage others to “introspect their way to conversion”.

Today, we encounter ourselves in the practice of ministry. Some of us may be a member of several ministries. I encourage you to select one ministry to focus on.

Before reading on, PAUSE, take a few deep breaths, then consider (i) why am I a member of or leader in this ministry? and (ii) if I viewed this ministry as a vocation, what might I do differently?

VOCATION is God calling His followers to tasks that He assigns us.

“We will never discover the special, personal calling that God has in mind for us if we remain enclosed in ourselves, in our usual way of doing things, in the apathy of those who fritter away their lives in their own little world. We would lose the chance to dream big and to play our part in the unique and original story that God wants to write with us,” –Pope Francis.

Daily, we experience emotions. Some we are unconscious of because of busyness. Others we are unable to name, others we give the names of the basic emotions–happy, sad, angry, scared, others we experience and ignore.

When we can name our emotions, we are better able to decipher the message they contain and can recognise the thought and behaviour patterns that accompany these emotions.

There is a correlation between how we Think, Act and Feel. A Feeling Wheel (see illustration) can assist in naming our emotions.

What are the primary emotions you feel when you reflect on your ministry experience?

– Happy because of the positive impact that the ministry is having.

– Anxious that the meetings will begin on time because you have commitments immediately after

– Angry because certain members appear to want to control the decision making.

– Hopeful that the “children” will become more settled and attentive.

– Calm knowing that God is in charge.

– Fearful that the issue of inclusion will be raised.

Each of the named emotions impacts how we greet those we encounter, how we engage, how we listen, whether we seek to build relationships with them.  Synodality is about relationships. It is about intentionally listening to others and being led by the Holy Spirit.

The foundation for building relationships begins with our ability to PAUSE, to become self-aware, be centred on God, choosing to align with God’s will, demonstrating unconditional love for the other.

In the words of St Dorotheus de Gaza, “Imagine that the world is a circle, that God is the center, and that the radii are the different ways human beings live. When those who wish to come closer to God walk towards the center of the circle, they come closer to one another at the same time as to God. The closer they come to God, the closer they come to one another. And the closer they come to one another, the closer they come to God.” (see illustration)

REFLECTION

At your last ministry engagement:

1. a) Before the event, what were the emotions you experienced and how did they impact your presence?
2. b) Were your thoughts drifting to the past, the future or were they in the present moment?
3. c) Perhaps you arrived late. How did you feel? How did this impact your ability to listen and be in tandem with the conversation?
4. d) As a senior member in ministry, how did you make younger members feel included? How much airtime did you allow them?
5. e) As a younger member in ministry, how did you make senior members feel valued?
6. f) Recall the adulteress and consider your emotions around the marginalised in society–migrants, incarcerated, divorced, LGBTQ+ community, differently abled etc. Which marginalised group are you willing to be more intentional in building relationship with?
7. g) Pause … breathe. Bring what emerged in this reflection before the Holy Spirit. How is He guiding you to act?