Two Hearts as One’  – consequences of contraception

This month we continue with Dr Evelyn Billings’ talk ‘Two Hearts as One’ delivered to priests in 1988. In this excerpt below, Dr Billings continues with a clear focus on the division of hearts that occurs when contraception is utilised in the marital relationship.

“Sterilisation gives no health to the conjugal relationship. The physical pleasure is liberated from responsibility to the child. It soon becomes self-centred particularly for the man. The woman now always is available and soon comes to resent her role in the relationship. Having no need to consider consequences of pregnancy, her husband ceases to consider any other consequence of his sexual appetites. The woman is now not only less than a woman physically having had her fertility eradicated, but she is also reduced psychologically and spiritually. Love is damaged and soon she feels she has nothing left in her marriage.

It may be that couples complain about abstinence in natural family planning, the reason should not immediately be sought in the method, that is, in the requirement for restraint, but rather looked for in the attitude of the couple to the act of love itself and particularly in the attitude towards the child.

The interval of possible fertility in the cycles, no matter how long or short the cycles are, does not impose undue constraints on any married couple who love each other and who are prepared to live in trust and respect for each other and in fidelity.

There are many occasions within a marriage when intercourse is unavailable for example sickness or absence from home. The demonstration of one to the other of loving postponement of intercourse is a declaration of trust and an assurance of fidelity, no matter what the circumstances are and however great the demands might become. Love, trust and fidelity are the real treasures of marriage, not genital experiences without children.

Such a discipline, self-imposed and made possible because of its good purpose, supported by the beloved who shares the same self-discipline, reaches well beyond benefits in the relationship of the couple, to benefits for the children who themselves must be taught self-discipline.

It has often been pointed out by couples practising natural family planning that they can now demand such discipline of their children. They are single-minded and recognise both the importance and the attainability of a chaste life.

Parents with the welfare of their children at heart can insist with conviction and without hypocrisy that they should follow their example to remain healthy and happy.

So damaging to young people is the attitude which prevails in the community just now, that whatever else needs restricting, it must not be intercourse.

We see condoms being recommended to combat AIDS rather than chastity, and contraception being recommended rather than postponement of intercourse.

Fidelity is regarded as unreasonable on business trips.

There are many fallacies in these arguments. Condoms do not prevent AIDS (or other STIs). Fidelity on business trips is essential for good health for self and for the marriage partner.

Natural family planning properly used affords a high level of reliability, as high as any form of contraception and without health risks. It is a great mistake and a great injustice to individuals to image that anybody cannot control sexual appetites or use a natural method of fertility control.

Fidelity during absence is not a hardship, when intercourse with one’s spouse is indeed an act of true love and a demonstration of an inviolable bond which is not just physical but of the whole heart. No chance physical encounter could possibly compare with an enduring relationship where two hearts are as one.”

We will conclude this talk next month.

BOMA-TT Phone or WhatsApp: (868) 384-1659, Email: naturalfertility@catholictt.org or billingstt@gmail.com, Local Website: billingstt.com, International Websites: woombinternational.org or billings.life