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Bullying and domestic violence: a deepening crisis

In a recent episode of The Catholic News’ programme Altos, a comprehensive discussion unfolded around the persistent and growing problems of bullying and domestic violence, issues that have tragically resurfaced in various parts of society.

The conversation featured Franklyn Dolly, a behaviour change specialist and psychologist, who addressed these pressing issues. The discussion opened with a grim reflection on a case from Princes Town, where teenager Jayden Lalchan tragically took his own life due to relentless bullying.

The host, in conversation with Dolly, questioned whether bullying in schools and domestic violence in homes were somehow connected, and whether learned behaviours in childhood could later manifest as abusive tendencies in adulthood.

Dolly confirmed that these issues are indeed linked, noting how societal norms contribute to bullying. “We as a society do not recognise how we contribute to bullying,” he remarked, explaining that what was once considered harmless teasing or “fatigue” has evolved into something far more damaging.

In earlier generations, such teasing was often given “to get a laugh,” without any malicious intent. Today, however, the intent behind these behaviours has shifted toward causing emotional, mental, or physical harm.

This cultural change is pervasive, infiltrating even public arenas such as political debates and entertainment, where satire or sharp exchanges are no longer about making light of a situation but rather about wounding one’s opponent.

Dolly further explored the origins of bullying, stressing that it begins at home, with domestic violence playing a crucial role. “We are teaching our family how to negotiate conflict,” Dolly explained.

In homes where violence is used to resolve disputes, children learn that using force or domination is an acceptable way to handle disagreements. This toxic environment fosters the belief that control, and aggression are the primary methods for achieving power or resolution.

Thus, when children who witness or experience such violence go to school, they may replicate these behaviours in the form of bullying. Dolly made it clear that bullying and domestic violence are not isolated phenomena but part of a broader societal failure to teach healthier forms of conflict resolution.

 

Efforts to address bullying

Despite efforts to address these issues, particularly through school-based programmes aimed at reducing bullying, progress remains slow. He acknowledged that while some progress has been made, the overall situation continues to escalate.

In schools, simple yet effective programmes have been implemented to foster a culture of respect and empathy among students. For example, in one exercise, students are asked to list words they find hurtful, and the class works together to ban the most offensive words from their vocabulary.

“You might get 50 words banned in a school,” Dolly noted, stressing how this can help curtail the use of harmful language. However, he also pointed out that more substantial measures need to be taken at home, where children first learn patterns of behaviour.

“If every little person in the home takes that kind of responsibility… not go and look to the government… take the responsibility yourself in your own family,” he urged.

Dolly reflected on the tragedy of Jayden’s death, stating that despite being part of a family, a school, and a community, Jayden felt so isolated that he believed his only option was suicide. “All of those systems failed this boy,” Dolly said. While the school praised him for his academic and extracurricular involvement, and family members spoke positively about him, the signs of his suffering were either missed or ignored.

Dolly emphasised that bullying is not always physical; verbal attacks, particularly those involving gender-based insults, can be just as damaging. “You can imagine that happening four or five times a day in a school,” he explained, painting a grim picture of how relentless taunting can push a child to the brink of despair.

The interview also explored the legal framework surrounding bullying and violence. Dolly highlighted that many forms of bullying are, in fact, criminal offenses, yet the existing systems often fail to treat them as such.

Schools are equipped with guidelines on how to report bullying, but these systems are not always effectively enforced. He argued that in some cases, responses to bullying should be escalated beyond the school system and handled by the judiciary.

Dolly pointed out that the judicial system offers a range of corrective measures, including probation, curfews, and reprimands, which could help address more severe cases of bullying. Unfortunately, these tools are often underutilised, leaving many victims without the protection and intervention they need.

In the closing segment of the interview, the discussion shifted to domestic violence, particularly the challenges associated with restraining orders. Dolly noted that while restraining orders are intended to protect victims, they can sometimes lead to further violence, as the restrained person may react negatively to feeling controlled.

“We have seen too many cases where the restraining order has led to more violence,” he warned. He suggested that restraining orders should be accompanied by mandatory counselling for the person against whom the order is issued, to help them cope with the emotional and psychological impacts of the legal restriction. “A restraining order should not be given until… counselling,” he argued.

The interview concluded with a call to action, urging society to treat bullying and domestic violence as interconnected issues that require a sustained, national-level response. “This needs to be front and centre,” Dolly declared, expressing frustration that these topics only gain attention after tragic events have occurred.

By bringing these issues to the forefront and fostering open discussions, society can begin to tackle the root causes and create a safer environment for both children and adults.

 

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