By Fr Donald Chambers
“Friendship flourishes when we dare to share our doubts and seek the truth together”
—Fr Timothy Radcliffe OP, Friendship, Synod Assembly 2023.
Sharing doubts and seeking the truth together is possible only by swimming through the turbulent waters of vulnerability. Brené Brown states vulnerability is an uncomfortable feeling of “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”. Vulnerability is a difficult pill to swallow. One participant in the The Antilles Episcopal Conference (AEC) synodal journey remarked, “Interestingly enough, there are ‘spaces’ for voices, but there are not many safe spaces where voices are actually listened to, and measures taken to cater to those voices.”
When some voices are ignored, it is like broken glass, unable to contain the water of friendship because some people no longer feel they belong.
The restoration of communion requires bold initiative and vulnerability, which is witnessed in God’s action throughout the Scriptures. In the case of Adam and Eve, who hid from Yahweh God, Yahweh calls out, “Where are you?” In the case of Cain, who murders his brother, Abel, Yahweh approaches him and says, “Where is your brother Abel?…What have you done?” (Gen 4:9).
From the beginning of creation, Yahweh God offers humanity the gift of friendship as true belonging. The Genesis writer speaks of God creating, not animals or vegetation in His image and likeness, but humanity.
Yahweh God also created humanity “naked”. Nakedness is a metaphor for vulnerability. If Yahweh created humanity in God’s image and likeness, humanity is created as vulnerability, a gift to be used to live in communion as friendship.
We witness manifestations of God’s gift of friendship in the witness of several biblical figures. David describes his friendship with Jonathan, saying, “O Jonathan, in your death I am stricken, I am desolate for you…Very dear to me you were, your love to me more wonderful than the love of a woman” (2 Sam 1:26).
Ruth tells Naomi, “Do not press me to leave you and to turn back from your company, for ‘wherever you go, I will go, wherever you live, I will live’,” (Ruth 1:16).
In the New Testament, Jesus says something profound to the group of disciples that often disappointed and betrayed Him, “I shall not call you servants any more…I call you friends…” (Jn 15:15).
The narrative of the Risen Jesus’ appearance to the two disciples demonstrates God’s effort in Jesus Christ to restore the communion of friendship.
First, the Risen Jesus takes the initiative to approach His friends who abandoned and betrayed Him. Second, except for His first appearance to Mary Magdalene, the Risen Jesus always appears to a community of friends. Third, He invites His friends to revisit the source of woundedness, “What are you talking about?”— Fourth, He actively listens to His disgruntled friends. Fifth, He engages the scriptures as a source of understanding and enlightenment for His friends. Sixth, He initiates a deeper communion with His friends over meals.
Fr Timothy Radcliffe OP reminded the participants at the Synod Assembly 2023 that “this Synod will be fruitful if it leads us into a deeper friendship with the Lord and with each other.”
The Church and society continue to witness deep polarisation where opposing sides are imprisoned in the comfort zone of their bunkers, firing ideological bullets while refusing to dialogue.
The recent ecclesial and global reaction to Fiducia supplicans (On Blessings) was not only a real test of synodality, but it also reminded us of how difficult, messy, and challenging the synodal journey is because we are walking together with multiple perspectives, ideologies, personalities, and agendas.
When the communion of friendship is absent, the fruit is reflected in this testimony from the AEC listening phase, “I felt that some conversations stayed a bit at the superficial level. Discernment requires a lot of time, a lot of prayer, and a lot of listening. Some of the one-off conversations, even among us clergy, seemed too rushed and perhaps not going as deep as I would like.”
When friendship is present, the fruits experienced are reflected in the following AEC testimony of the listening phase, “It was truly beautiful to see the breadth and diversity of our local Church….Our local Church is a beautiful mix of traditions and talents, and I felt inspired to find ways of tapping into that more.”
In the end, communion as friendship emerges through a painful, messy, confusing, and disordered journey, as many of you have discovered in your marriages and families.
Friendship as communion is a critical ingredient in the synodal journey. Like friendship, the synodal journey is learning to walk together, listening, dialoguing, discerning, and creating friendships.
Fr Donald Chambers of the Archdiocese of Kingston, Jamaica is the General Secretary of the Antilles Episcopal Conference.