Sisters in the Pews

By Denise Scott

Promise me not to hide yourself when you’re in pain,
It’s unfair that we laughed together, but you cried alone,
Friends, don’t let friends cry alone
(unknown)

Talk the truth!
Are you one of the Catholic women who sit in the same seat every time you go to Mass?
Are the people you sit next to your friends in church? Would you call them up and go somewhere to lime with them?
If your husband was found cheating and you didn’t know what to do with yourself, would you turn to the person on your left or right in church and tell them?
What if you found yourself slumped in depression but you go to church every Sunday anyway, would you tell the people in the pews with you?

I guess what I am asking is, do you believe that you have sisters in your pews?

This has been my pet peeve for many years as a woman in the Catholic Church. I often feel we are not there for each other. As a youth, I would feel confident seeking out an elder to get advice and share my pains with but as I grew older, I felt that the world expected me to figure stuff out myself. So, that’s what I attempted to do. And in many cases I did, but the more research I do on mental health, I realise that each of us can have an easier journey through life if we seek to accompany each other, or seek to be accompanied by the people with whom we share the pews.
Pope Francis said, “We need a Church capable of walking at people’s side, of doing more than simply listening to them; a Church which accompanies them on their journey; a Church able to make sense of the ‘night’ contained in the flight of so many of our brothers and sisters …a Church which realises that the reasons why people leave also contain reasons why they can eventually return. But we need to know how to interpret, with courage, the larger picture”.
Confession time: I have lost my way a time or two, but you wouldn’t know if you sat in the same pew with me because I went to church anyway. I remember my darkest times, picking up myself and following the routine of going to church not knowing a thing that was said, battling my deepest fears and anxieties, and not saying a word. I feel like this is our story. The truth is that I have been blessed in my Catholic journey to have many amazing women of faith that I can turn to and say “I need help” but it took a lot for me to recognise that help was there for me.

Because of my journey, I try to accompany people who may need my help. October is Mental Health Awareness Month and there are many mental health challenges that Catholic women face silently.

In the Caribbean, we ignore mental health challenges around us because of our conditioning but see if you recognise these common situations around you.
1. “Aye girl how yuh doing?” “Girl I ok you know, but I just not sleeping these days so I trying to get some soursop leaf here! Do you have any?” Whilst occasional insomnia is common, persistent sleep problems could indicate depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
2. “Girl, I doh go no way again yuh know because yuh see this crime situation, I not able, so I does come to church and go home but me eh doing nothing extra, from the time I see 8 o’ clock and them chilren eh reach home I does start to feel anxious” Feeling worried about everyday situations to an excessive degree could also be a sign of anxiety disorder.
3. “Girl, Father now ask me to help with the First Communion, I say like he going off. I am not no good good person, Tell them it have so many better people than me in church!” – While everyone experiences self-doubt, constantly feeling inadequate or worthless could point to depression or other mental health concerns.
4. “Girl, I doh come to church dey again after the lady in the choir call me stranger, I done! Like me and nobody cyar get along in that church. Everybody have a problem with me”. Frequent conflict or difficulty maintaining healthy relationships can sometimes be a sign of underlying mental health problems.
5. “Them feel them is saint because ‘Oh, I always by the bar’. So what? Them know what I does be going through when the day come! I does have to take a drink girl” Using alcohol to self-medicate for emotional distress could be a sign of an underlying mental health issue that many Catholics laugh off.
6. “I getting a pain in my left leg about a month now. I gone by every doctor and nobody eh know what going on. They say that pain in my head! I go imagine pain? Them good, yes!” Unexplained physical pain without a clear medical cause could be a manifestation of stress or anxiety.

We are all going through stuff that nobody knows about and sometimes we don’t know that we are having a mental health challenge.

Important Note: If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s crucial to seek professional help from a mental health professional for proper diagnosis and treatment.

I recently took a relative to a mental health professional who explained to me that the person had a serotonin imbalance. All my talking and calling that person up would not have solved the problem recognising the need for professional mental health advice is also important.
Today, I just want us to commit to keeping a closer eye on the women around us in church and see how we can accompany them on whatever mental health journey. But if you are being challenged, be brave and start opening up about your own mental health challenges so that the taboo that exists in our parishes may disappear. I for one want to be a part of the revolution in the Catholic Church where women feel comfortable sharing their challenges.