The pause called menopause

By Camille Ramdial-Cumberbatch
There’s a saying that youth is wasted on the young, as you may not fully appreciate it until as a woman, you start the menopausal stages from as early as 40 years old. Suddenly, you may hear a creak in your bones when walking up the stairs or lifting your arms. For some of us, that’s the first alarming signal that something is happening to us.

My first conversation about menopause occurred when I was 40 and very naively and confidently responded, “No, I am not experiencing any symptoms of perimenopause,” when my friend’s husband who was an internal specialist, asked me if I was dealing with the similar issues like his wife. Curiously, I immediately asked him what the symptoms of perimenopause were. As he started listing some of the more common ones, I quickly changed my response to; “Ohh yes! I am experiencing some of these symptoms.” Subsequently, one very important piece of advice he gave my friends and me was to educate ourselves and to also share this knowledge with our spouses and children. They too need to be informed when we go through this physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging transition. I would say to you now as you read this, please heed this piece of advice.

Fifteen years later now at 55 years, here are some of my experiences which will hopefully help you on your journey, even though yours may be different from mine

1. My memory or mental acuity has always been one of my greatest strengths and assets. I would remember names, numbers, faces or experiences without any problems or issues. It was very concerning when this started to deteriorate. Alzheimer’s is hereditary in my family, so I was scared that I was experiencing the early signs of the disease. Thankfully this fear was alleviated when I shared my experience with my high school friends, who then shared their own issues of forgetfulness. One person spoke of how she had been looking for her phone for days and opened the fridge to find it there. Our ongoing sharing of our experiences and learnings has helped me on my journey. So having ‘brain fog’ or sometimes not remembering what you were saying, or trying to remember a word to express your thought is normal.
   2. Everyone used to call me the ‘Energizer Bunny’ because I would be full of energy. The menopausal stage rusted my batteries! I started having to take frequent breaks or break responsibilities into smaller bits and complete them a little at a time. My mother would continuously complain as she got more physically fragile than her mind was willing, but her body was weak. Now I understand what she meant and can better empathise with older women while being kinder to myself, as I too age. “Don’t sweat the small stuff” became real!
   3. Emotionally, some significant changes also occurred. Normally I would give ‘the silent treatment’ when my husband and I quarreled. That approach went through the door in my menopausal years. I would clearly and vociferously express my upset and I would ‘bite back’ as we say, for any little infringement. He would jokingly say when he realized my irritability or volatility was at its peak, “Like Peri in the house boy, like Peri in the house.” Thankfully, he was a calmer person than me and with humour, helped me manage myself, especially during my perimenopausal stage.
   4. Other physical consequences of menopause I experienced were anemia due to heavy blood loss in my menstrual cycle and low bone density. The latter was diagnosed recently based on severe back pain. An X-ray showed that my bones are not as dense as they should be for someone my age and my nerves are consequently being compressed, causing the pain. This also means I cannot fall, as that may result in a fracture which is a severe outcome.

So, as we women approach or live through this major transition in our lives, I think it’s important to know that our life may pause a bit as we relearn who we have become, through the hot flashes, thinning hair, deteriorating eyesight or extra pounds. However, more importantly, we must continue to live and love ourselves through this self-discovery journey called menopause!