Surviving your “Lifequake”

I recently heard this term ‘Lifequake’ when I was listening to the audio book, Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feller. The author refers to this experience as a personal equivalent to an earthquake. An episode in your life which had very life-changing outcomes and rocked you to your core, with some possibly debilitating consequences.

Some of us may have had lifequakes like sickness, divorce, death, financial challenges, unexpected changes in employment, or something happening to one of our family members or loved ones. Some of us have had more than one of those lifequakes occurring in our lives and have had to journey through each experience to survive and thrive.

I have experienced a few lifequakes in my 55 years of life, each leading to an important revelation on my life’s journey. The first was the shocking death of my childhood friend from a car accident one early morning, a few days after her 29th birthday. This was the first traumatic experience I had in my life. She was one of ‘The Three Musketeers’, as we called ourselves. Three girls who were neighbours and we grew up together to be lifelong friends. Her death was life changing. This lifequake shook me up mentally and emotionally, as it forced me to engage in deep self-reflection. I quickly came to realise that my life was precious, and it needed to be valued and lived to its fullest. This revelation eventually led to my separation from my husband at the time, four months after my friend’s death, leading to my second lifequake-divorce.

This traumatic second lifequake pushed me into another grieving process, as my marriage had also died. It was painful, as I felt I had failed in one of the most important relationships of my life. I was deeply confused and uncertain about my life and about my future. The positive outcome was that I developed my relationship with God and started a deeper self-discovery journey. The former led to me starting the RCIA programme then subsequently becoming baptised in the faith. Sister Paul D’Ornellas significantly helped me in my self-discovery process through her different experiences, which increased my self-understanding and strengthened me to chart my new future.

My third lifequake was seeing my 88-year-old, mentally strong, and always independent mother deteriorate in health and subsequently die. She was our matriarch, my rock, my mentor and most importantly my mother, who showed me unconditional love. Seeing her lose her physical and mental capacity was very painful for our family. The blessing of that experience was that we were able to take care of her and finally reciprocate the devotion she showed to us, all our lives. It also helped us develop internal strength, compassion and empathy.

My most recent lifequake was the death of my husband Michael on March 14, 2024, which I’ve written extensively about on this blog. The actual experience itself of his having emergency brain surgery, remaining unconscious for two weeks and then subsequently passing away, is still very traumatic five months later. The grieving experience has evolved within that period. I am now at the stage of missing him deeply. I feel alone when I’m home and he is not there to have a conversation with, to share a point of view, to ask a question or to even quarrel with. I miss him.

However, Michael’s unexpected death has again reinforced to me the value of life. As I become conscious in the morning, I give God praise and thanks for the blessing and the opportunity of being alive! As I look through my kitchen window and I see the beautiful sky and clouds, I give thanks for having my senses and my faculties to see, hear, touch, and feel. I am refocusing now on my health, fulfilling some childhood dreams, and continuing to ensure that my life is purpose driven, and aligned to God’s will for me.

Normally, when we experience an earthquake we feel fear, uncertainty and lack of control. Similarly, our lifequakes initially disempower us, but only temporarily. Our recovery process is facilitated by our faith in God, the quality of support we have in our friends and family, and our belief in ourselves, knowing that we will rebuild our lives, maybe even bigger and better then how we expected it to be, before our lifequakes.