Understanding Domestic Violence

Domestic violence remains a pervasive issue in society, affecting countless individuals and families. To shed light on this critical topic, Catholic News’ Altos spoke with Sabrina Mowlah-Baksh, the General Manager of the Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CADV).

With 25 years of experience addressing domestic violence issues, Mowlah-Baksh offered valuable insights into the nature of abuse, its warning signs, and the complexities surrounding victim behaviour.

A definition

Mowlah-Baksh explained that domestic violence is “a pattern of harmful behaviour perpetrated by one partner against another partner” in an intimate relationship. This can include spouses, those in common-law relationships, visiting relationships, or any romantic union. The term “intimate partner violence” is sometimes used interchangeably, particularly when referring to violence in less formal or “off and on” relationships.

However, domestic violence can have a broader definition. As Mowlah-Baksh noted, “Another definition of domestic violence has to do with any violence perpetrated against those living in a household.” This includes elder abuse, child abuse, and violence against other family members or residents such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.

According to Mowlah-Baksh, the fundamental cause of domestic violence has not shifted over the years. She said that “the root cause of the violence is deeply rooted in patriarchal norms and systems” which create unequal power relations between men and women. The primary purpose of such violence is “to exercise and maintain power and control in the relationship.”

While factors like drug use or stress may be triggers, Mowlah-Baksh stressed that these are not the root causes.

Shifting pattern: more men seeking help

While the majority of domestic violence victims continue to be women, Mowlah-Baksh shared a recent shift in the demographics of those seeking help. “We have been in recent times, I would say in the last two years, we have at the CADV…been seeing more men coming forward”.

However, Mowlah-Baksh was quick to contextualise this trend: “But I think that requires some explanation. And of course, it must not at all take away from the fact that the majority of reports that we receive and those seeking help…over 80 per cent of those are women.”

The nature of the abuse reported by male victims tends to differ from that reported by women. Mowlah-Baksh elaborated, “The men come forward with mainly verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and not so much the physical abuse.”

Interestingly, the motivation for men seeking help often differs from that of women. Mowlah-Baksh observed, “And when they do come to us, they come at a time when the partner is threatening to exit the relationship. So, they see it as a mechanism for keeping the partner in the relationship.”

This suggests that many male victims are not necessarily seeking help to end the abuse or leave the relationship, but rather to preserve it. “Not as a means of saying I have a problem…I need to fix the problem as a way of keeping the family intact and keeping the partner in the relationship,” Mowlah-Baksh explained.

While this shift is noteworthy, Mowlah-Baksh said that it should not overshadow the predominantly female victim demographic, nor should it detract from efforts to address the root causes of domestic violence, which remain largely rooted in patriarchal norms and power imbalances.

Red flags

Mowlah-Baksh outlined several key warning signs that could indicate a potential abuser:

• Embarrassing you, putting you down, or questioning your self-worth
• Controlling who you see, where you go, what you do, or what you wear
• Preventing or discouraging you from seeing family or friends
• Wanting to spend all time with you and cutting off your support networks
• Preventing you from making your own decisions
• Criticising your parenting or threatening to take away children
• Destroying your property or harming pets
• Intimidating you or threatening you with weapons
• Threatening suicide if you leave the relationship
• Pressuring you into unwanted sexual activities
• Discouraging education or employment
• Stalking you on social media or checking your phone
• Excessive calling or monitoring of your conversations

Mowlah-Baksh said that these red flags can appear early in a relationship, even during the dating phase, and should not be ignored.

Why do victims stay or return?

One of the most perplexing aspects of domestic violence is why victims remain in or return to abusive relationships. Mowlah-Baksh cautioned against adopting a judgmental attitude, stating, “There is always a tendency to victim blame and victim shame… and not enough about perpetrator accountability.”

She explained that victims may stay due to:

• Normalisation of abuse: “I’ve grown up in a community where people, men always beat their wives. You know, it’s normal for people to do that.”
• Love for the perpetrator: “Victims really love the perpetrators and they want the relationship to work because that’s the ideal.”
• Belief in change: Victims “keep believing I can help that person to change.”

Mowlah-Baksh urges those experiencing abuse to reach out for support. “Do not stay silent about the abuse,” she implored. “One in every three women have reported experiencing at least one form of violence in Trinidad… The first step to getting help is to disclose the abuse, and there is nothing normal about experiencing this abuse.”

CADV can be contacted at 624-0402, via email at cadvtt@mail.com or via their Facebook page, TNT Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

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