Honour and care for our elderly

By Lara Pickford-Gordon

snrwriter.camsel@catholictt.org

In old age do not forsake me, from Psalm 71, was the theme of the World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly observed last Sunday, July 28. The year’s theme focuses on the importance of honouring and caring for the elderly in society.

It draws attention to the need for elderly not to be cast aside and neglected in their old age.

The Society of St Vincent de Paul (SVPTT) manages four elderly homes. The Catholic News spoke to President of the SVPTT, Nigel Phillip about family ties when the elderly are in their care.

“Most of the times when they come to the [SVP] home, they come prepared because they want to talk and share stories from before, they play games and things like that….they like their own space, but their biggest challenge is family neglecting them.”

In the household, parents or grandparents want to feel support. Phillip said: “The young people are always on their devices or always out; the husband or wife or elderly daughter may not give them any attention because they have their own lives, so their lives is sometimes ‘I am waiting to die’ which is not how it is supposed to be”. Phillip said loneliness and depression can impact  longevity.

The family neglect of interpersonal connection is contrasted with great interest in the finances and assets of the elderly. Phillip illustrated this stating, if the SVP is charging $3,000 for someone at one of its geriatric homes and they are receiving a pension of $3,500 plus NIS of $2,500–$3,000, “the loved ones put them there and spend their family money; their parents or grandparents, they use the rest of money for themselves and still would not put support for pampers and things like that”.

He added: “Sometimes they put them in institutions, they have them sign over the house to them. They have them sign over their bank accounts to them. And when they die, contact them and they just do the burial”.

He continued: “You see their loved ones fighting, you see all kinds of stuff. You see them come to the home with power of attorney to sign this off to them and they don’t ever turn back or even a simple phone call”.

Phillip, who is also President of the SVP Conference Tobago which manages an elderly home in the sister isle, related what some elderly say to him, “‘President, call my daughter and let me talk to my daughter, call my son’…the sons and them know the number for the home and will not answer when you calling them.”

The elderly are buoyed by news of the successes of grandchildren in exams etc. Phillips said they experience different feelings while living in geriatric facilities. The companionship of others helps buffer loneliness and depression.

The SVPTT has different groups visiting its geriatric homes for activities, “Bible stories, and art, so we give them things like drawing books…” Phillip said.

Tricia Syms, Episcopal Delegate, Archdiocesan Family Life Commission said the theme for this year’s observance points to inclusion. She gave a few suggestions for families to achieve inclusivity:

What do they like? What foods or music do they enjoy?  Taking the time to cater to their particular likes is a way of keeping their dignity as individuals.

Independence. Elderly people can still do things for themselves. They have slowed down but family members should not dissuade their efforts simply to get things done swiftly. “Encourage them when you see they are trying and making attempts to do things”, Syms said.

Engage. Children can connect with their senior family members by spending time with them starting with 15 or 30 minutes, they learn care and responsibility.

Children can read to them from their phone or a book or for grandparents in wheelchairs they can push the wheelchair during a stroll. Pray with older family. Gestures like combing the hair can be a way to have connection with elderly relatives with  dementia. Showing photographs from the past can be used to bring back fond memories or playing music they enjoy.

Acknowledge. Special days like birthdays and anniversaries or milestones in the life of the grandparent and elderly can be occasions for celebration.

Patience. Dealing with senior family members is challenging even more so when there are serious health issues and cognitive decline.

Syms said, “exercising patience with yourself and them. Building virtue is doing something with joy (J), ease (E), love (L), stability (S) – virtue JELS”.