Make sure to communicate and connect, parent to child

Crystal Johnson worked at the Archdiocesan Family Life Commission for 14 years as a Family Mental Health Clinician, and now is a School Counsellor at her alma mater, Corpus Christi College. She has experience with young people and chats with Associate Editor Simone Delochan on what parents should know about the issues their children are likely tackling, and what they can do to help.

Q: Can you tell us a little about your Catholic background?

I attended Corpus Christi College which really laid the foundation for me, identifying as Catholic and practising my faith.

I’ve attended several parishes throughout as life events occurred such as migrating to university, dating, marriage and now children. Parishes I attended were St John’s, St Finbar’s, Our Lady of Lourdes, Assumption and St Mary’s.

My professional life started with jobs that were focused on survival and experience in my field. When I moved back to Trinidad from university, I specifically prayed for a job that will help me grow further into my faith. In retrospect, I’m not even sure why I prayed for that because I would think coming out of university, I’m praying any job that would pay.

I believe the Holy Spirit has always been guiding me. Soon enough, my prayers were answered, and God surely moved swiftly for me as I was employed with the Archdiocesan Family Life Commission, where I spent the next 14 years.

Q: What do you do now and what is the age group you work most with?

Call it fate but l have been guided back to the very start where I now serve as the School Counsellor at Corpus Christi College, my alma mater and I also have my private practice. My target audience ranges from adolescents, adults and the elderly, but I’ve mostly worked with adolescent females in my 14 years of practice; from internship to present.

I really enjoy working with adolescents during their crucial time of development, where cognitive, emotional, social and physical changes are occurring.

It’s witnessing the self-discovery of talents and treasures as all those changes are unfolding, which I find quite fascinating. Also, adolescents are quite lovely and fun to speak to at this age. I tend to engage in a little healthy debate where I challenge perspective and provoke thought which they are usually open to entertaining.

Q: What are the issues they are dealing with that adults may not be aware of?

In my professional practice, observations, and personal experience as a parent myself, children have become additionally defiant and disrespectful towards parents, authority and even amongst each other.

There is an upsurge of entitlement, aggression, bullying, substance use, suicidal ideation, attempts at self-harming behaviours (usually cutting), sexual activity and exploration in sexuality.

Children aren’t coping well, problem-solving nor critically thinking. Some are also not receiving the proper nutrition, partaking in a healthy form of physical activity, and sleeping poorly.

The exposure to adversity such as poverty, abuse and violence (especially sexual violence, neglect and bullying); harsh parenting, lack of parenting, presence and structure; pressures to conform are contributing greatly towards these behaviours.

We are taught that parents are the first teachers, and our home is the domestic Church—so where and when did the ball drop?  Parenting has become extremely difficult due to the notable shift in societal values and the influences of technology on interpersonal relationships.

Greater emphasis is now placed on what I like to call “the pursuit of my happiness” aka individualism and personal expression versus the adherence to traditional norms of duty, hard work and sacrifice.

Technology, although beneficial in many areas, has reduced face-to-face communication between parent and child resulting in frequent conflict and misinterpretations.

Information being so easily accessible is providing an array of ideas and influences to our children that is altering perceptions and realities; most of which are not aligning to the values and virtues of dignity, humility, generosity and grace.

Modern-day parents are busy working, juggling household responsibilities and children’s academics resulting in less quality time for meaningful connections and conversations.

I don’t believe parents aren’t aware of the current issues, what I believe is happening to our parents is that they don’t know how to approach the problems or mend matters that are already at play, as parents. Let me just put this reminder out there as well—children are not our friends.

Q: Are boys and girls dealing with the same things or are there gender-specific differences that crop up?

I believe boys and girls are dealing with similar issues, but the difference lies in how they respond and cope. Research in gender disparities and mental health found that adolescent girls have been showing a more rapid decline in mental health than boys; however, boys are not far behind.

General knowledge states that adolescent boys are more likely to have anger issues and express their aggression physically, engage in high-risk behaviours and commit suicide.

Adolescent girls tend to exhibit inward-directed symptoms, with more suicide attempts or self-harming behaviours such as cutting. A contributing factor as well are the cultural norms of masculine and feminine expression to hardship.

Q: What should parents be most aware of?

Parents should first be most aware of themselves, their inner workings and how it impacts the child/their family. We parents are also coming from a familial system of our own that may have been healthy or dysfunctional, so be mindful of your own upbringing and home environment.

Secondly, be aware of everything your child may be experiencing especially the social influences. Be knowledgeable about the other developmental milestones that goes beyond the infancy and toddler stages.

Your bond with your child(ren) also takes work just like any other relationship. Make the time to communicate and connect, have frequent and open conversations, partake in joint interests together and be invested, no matter how exhausted we are by the days’ end.

Especially in the adolescent stage, independence and space from parents is most desirable, but adolescents still need some quality time with their parents, so they can be heard, be guided, be reassured along with feeling safe and loved.

Primary and secondary school levels are both vulnerable in varying degrees. I would say primary school level is most vulnerable to different forms of adversity and part social influences.

At the secondary level, social value and belonging is of importance which means societal influences are big in the dance. Bullying has become a huge monster in our schools.

Parenting and raising a child are a journey that God has invited you to be a part of. At times, it will be challenging, however, we should find the joy, love and peace embedded within for us to be patient, dutiful and sacrificial towards the betterment of the child.

God is at work, all day, every day being most patient, dutiful, sacrificial and loving with us so I know we are capable of doing the same.