By Daniel Francis

I am reminded of a book I read a few years back. Unfortunately, I cannot recall its name so I would not venture a guess. Thankfully, I tend to incorporate what I read in books into my day-to-day activities or mindset immediately. The story and the lesson outlined in one of the chapters in that book are very appropriate for life in general but especially for relationships.

In the book, the author wrote about his struggles in his marriage and with his young son. He talked about the different unique struggles he was having in both areas.

With his wife, there seemed to be a breakdown of communication which happened most times that there was a disagreement between them. His son on the other hand was acting out at home and school. He was not listening and the positive changes they were trying to instil in him were not sticking. What was he to do?

He decided to take a step back and analyse the two situations. He thought about what his wife and his son were doing wrong in these situations and that’s when he realised that he was going about this all wrong. He was so heavily focused on what they were doing wrong that he did not look internally. He began asking himself questions to take stock of himself.

Am I a good role model to my son?

Do I adequately satisfy my duties as a husband?

Am I actively working on improving myself daily?

Do my son and wife see me working on myself?

Do I exemplify the ideals that I want to see in my family?

These were just a few of the questions that he asked himself. Through this introspection, he concluded that he was not doing enough.

He noted that he expected so much from his family, but he did not deserve the change from them when he was not putting in enough work in himself. He decided to try the new approach of becoming the best husband and father that he could be by working on his intrinsic abilities and putting in external efforts.

An interesting thing happened once he changed his approach. As he developed and became, for example, more patient, more active around the house, more communicative, and listened more attentively, his family changed with him. They noticed his improvements and almost as though they were taking his lead, they followed suit. Disagreements with his wife became more discussions as opposed to flat-out arguments.

His son, after seeing his father be more active around the house, felt more inclined to behave himself. This is the interesting byproduct of becoming the right person.

This is an idea I wish more of us would adopt. I see it especially when people are looking for a partner. They have all these expectations of what they want from a partner and a relationship, yet they do not realise that they are not at the level yet to be in that relationship. If we spent more time working on our deficiencies, then we could eventually become the person that can accept that relationship. And it is not only in relationships. This works in all facets of life. You can outline where you need improvements and consistently work on improving in those areas. All of a sudden doors become open to you. The job you’ve always wanted is now an option, the target you have never been able to reach is now within reach, etc.

God places trials in our path as opportunities for us to grow. This growth adds to us becoming the right persons to then be better positioned to attract and accept the lives that we have always wanted.

I want anyone who is reading this to think about the areas of their lives that they want to see improvement in, whether that be relationships, career, health, etc. Pray on it and ask God for guidance.

But be real with yourself if you are doing all the internal work to help you better excel in these areas. If you are not, write down a plan with simple steps you can take to start improving yourself. Do this so you can become the person who can accept all that life and God has in store.

Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a Self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.

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Email: themillennialmind2020@gmail.com