What kind of society do we want?

By Lara Pickford-Gordon, snrwriter.camsel@catholictt.org

It’s no secret the issues to be confronted in regenerating males to meet the challenges of today are complex and require tough decisions and investment of time and resources. And it’s not about solving problems with men solely, because what affects men, affects society.

Psychologist and Original Pain Therapist Nicholas Voisin stated, “Our society needs to, I believe, decide on what kind of society we actually want and start looking towards that, building the systems and support that will encourage that kind of society to flourish.”

He continued, “Do we want a fair, equitable, just space for everyone or just who could get it, get it, and hard luck with the rest?” To achieve the former, he commented that difficult legislative provisions may be needed as well as social and cultural changes.

Voisin highlighted the need for interventions to support parental responsibility and fathers being part of the child’s life.

He mentioned an attempt by a US State to ensure the father’s name is included on birth certificates even going as far as to ask women to identify who the father of their baby is and conduct testing for paternity.

“Because according to their statistics, it costs whatever amount for the State to support this woman and her child if there is no daddy in the picture, so they said, ‘look, you can’t get pregnant by yourself, who is the child’s father?’. The idea being we will immediately inform him, if he is not there to sign…inform him ‘this woman says this child is yours, you have 30 days to respond’.”

If the man turns out not to be the biological father, any further tests and costs will be at the woman’s expense.

The law did not pass but Voisin liked that the State was trying to hold parents responsible, so it did not have to financially support the child. “We may want to look at a legislative approach, not necessarily that but something compelling enough to put more responsibility on fathers and mothers for making sure their child is taken care of.”

He added, “The intent is not to force or compel but rather to acknowledge that children are blessings and a serious responsibility to be embraced by both parents and not a problem to be disposed or avoided.”

He suggested structures that support and encourage good family systems are needed. “There is little incentive at present for people to get and stay married, because you can do everything a married couple does but you are not married,” he commented.

Voisin clarified that he was not promoting that couples be forced into unions but there can be incentives for people in stable, long-term marriage. “Maybe tax credits or whatever kind of incentive, something to encourage them in that way, in addition to support efforts in religious communities to encourage their members to have and maintain their families so that we have the potential for an increased number of two-parent homes.”

Voisin said a space and groups for men to meet and communicate with each other can facilitate mentorship and provide guidance. He commented: “If I can’t say to you, I can’t say to anyone, ‘I don’t feel like a man when that baby crying’, ‘I ain’t have no money to buy no milk for them’ or ‘my wife or girlfriend harassing me about they need more money to buy more food and I ain’t have no more money’, and I don’t know how to get it legitimately what else am I supposed to do? And I could go and put down a wuk and go home with a five grand, I not expecting to make it to 30, then why not?’.”

Single-parent fathers want equal access

Voisin highlighted the inequity which some fathers experience in the justice system. He mentioned the Single Fathers Association which was formed to fight for the rights of children and their single-parent fathers and for courts to be impartial in granting access orders.

Voisin commented that traditionally, the judgements from the courts have been skewed to favour women in maintenance and custody cases. He stated, “I say that in instances where the father is seeking to have equal access, the couple has not been able to sustain the marriage, why would you give access only to mummy and give daddy every other weekend? So, he is a parent four days of the month?”

He has heard examples of fathers who have been doing a good job singlehandedly and when the mother of the child/children returns and seeks custody, it is granted with the remark, “sir, please give the lady her children”. Voisin asked, “so they are not his children too?”

Voisin said State programmes like MiLAT (Military-Led Academic Training) and MYPART (Military Oriented Youth Programme of Apprenticeship) are good because they put structure into the lives of young men who are struggling and need particular skills.

He, however, said the education system needs to be re-engineered to engage the children who are “differently inclined.” According to Voisin, “we’ve been focused on this old English, middle-school model for entirely too long. We should have scrapped it 20 years ago. We’re not churning out enough technical people; we’re not churning out enough electricians, plumbers, mechanics. People are skilled artisans for Carnival—why is Carnival not an industry?”

In the absence of structures to provide learning opportunities particularly for men, there are many men who are despondent about their ability to support a family. Voisin said these men, “will take steps to find income in illicit ways if the licit ways do not meet the benchmark.”

He highlighted as a “structural problem” that there are insufficient male teachers in the school system. Voisin said, “There are too many boys’ schools led by, run, and almost entirely staffed by women. You cannot teach boys the same way you teach girls. The energy level, need for physical activity and learning styles…are very different for the two genders.”