Beyond the bedroom: the lifelong contract of sex

By Daniel Francis

Today I am talking about sex. However, I will not focus on the typical topics casting judgement on those who engage in sexual acts before marriage. I believe we all know and understand the Church’s teachings on this.

I still remember in my Confirmation class where they went into great detail on why we should not engage in premarital sex and the strong encouragement to enjoy sex within the bounds of marriage.

Today, I want to highlight the obvious that may not be immediately apparent to those engaging in premarital sex.

As the years go by, it seems that every day brings news of a new couple getting engaged or images from a baby shower. I also encounter numerous men and women navigating the intricacies of co-parenting.

Co-parenting is when parents share the duties of the upbringing of their child when they are separated, divorced, or not in a relationship. For the purposes of this discussion, let us focus on co-parenting scenarios that arise outside of marriage, emphasising how a fleeting moment of passion can lead to a lifelong commitment.

I have witnessed co-parenting that runs relatively smoothly because both parties present as reasonable and ultimately want the best for their child, so they try their best not to create any unnecessary friction.

Then there are those co-parenting relationships that are volatile. The individuals have many negative feelings toward each other and cannot or will not put them aside for the betterment of their child. The intent is to hurt the other person so they make most, if not all, necessary interactions to organise the well-being of their child difficult on each other.

These situations can become so contentious that legal intervention is necessary. Yet, the one that suffers the most is the child who never asked to be placed in this situation.

It seems unfair to put a child through this because one fundamental thing was overlooked in the throes of passion and sin. A colleague from college said it best. She astutely pointed out the obvious that is not so obvious and what she said continues to loop in my mind with each word that I write.

One day we were discussing sex and how some of our peers were engaging in risky sexual behaviour as though it was inconsequential. I was disturbed at the time because we were pretty young and imagining some of my peers raising kids at that time was a chilling thought because they were not developed enough emotionally, spiritually, or financially for such an undertaking.

My colleague turned to me and agreed adding that she understood the risks of engaging in sex before marriage and she pointed out that if you are having sex with anyone you are essentially saying that you are willing to potentially raise a child with this individual akin to signing a lifelong contract to be in each other’s lives.

Her words were a revelation. It’s a perspective that, while seemingly obvious, I imagine is not at the forefront of most people’s minds. Getting caught up in the present pleasures we are blinded to the future consequences.

My generation especially gets caught up in transient pleasures. We want to distract ourselves from whatever in life is aggravating us. That or we get lost in a relationship missing all the signs that this particular person is not the one for us.

As with all things, once God is not present in our daily lives or relationships, we are easily led down a path of sin and adversity. I pray for us all to understand the significant risks involved in engaging in premarital sex and the lifelong consequences that come with it.

We are all given free will to choose to do whatever it is we want to do. We are, after all, only human, and perfection eludes us. However, I believe that if we keep in communion with God, we can for the very least try to stay true to the path that He has set out for us.

So, be discerning about the individual with whom you choose to enter into this lifelong commitment.

Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a Self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.

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