A stretch in time

By Eleanor Peters Clarke

As my husband caressed me, I passed my hand over my stomach and felt the uneven surface caused by stretch marks. I stopped and I wondered, “What is he seeing?”

His concern was that I had stopped. Here were the marks acquired during my two pregnancies. Mind you, I have no regrets and cherish my boys to my very core. But my image had changed. Weight had been gained and as many critics loved to declare, “I had let myself go.”

Sometimes when dealing with demands from society, careers, and family (not necessarily in that order), we put ourselves last. We think we can always find the time later to “fix me.”

Then the last-minute dinner invitation or social scene requires that we fit ourselves into torturous wear such as waist trainers. We flitter and flutter throughout the night, smiling but seriously wondering if anyone has noticed the slight imprint from the waist trainer or the fact that we are taking shallow breaths to minimise the discomfort of the trainer’s bone prodding the small of our backs.

You see, we hide our imperfections in an attempt to be more accepted. Many times, people have transferred the freedoms granted on social media and voiced their opinions without regard to the consequences. And so, we doubt ourselves and magnify our flaws. Suddenly high school doesn’t end.

There is no quick fix-it technique, if it can be fixed at all. So how do we treat our imperfections?

Acceptance: If the imperfection is not life-threatening, cannot be changed or if you cannot get it changed, then accept it as a part of you. I remember encountering a female once who was confident and accepting of who she was, and although I saw the physical imperfection, I did not really notice it.

As our bond strengthened, I asked her how she seemed so unaffected by her mark. Her response was, “If I let it define me, then that’s all people will see. If I embrace it as a part of me, even I don’t notice it sometimes. If people notice it but take the time to look beyond it to see the real me, then knowing me is reward enough.” She is right. Knowing her is a phenomenal experience.

Change: If the imperfection can be changed and you are able to get it done (legally), then by all means do. Be aware though, that even when we change our imperfections, it won’t stop others from picking out something else that they deem wrong.

My stopping is what drew attention to my blemish. If I had not, it would have stayed unnoticed. My insecurity is what made it matter.

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Do you allow your imperfections to block the best experiences in your life? Tell us at forwomen@catholictt.org or join the conversation via our Facebook Group