Firmness in God, importance of fathers

By Kaelanne Jordan

mediarelations.camsel@catholictt.org

The father-child relationship is like what the skeletal is to the body: it provides stability, a courage to face life and its difficulties.

“And if that’s lacking, I drown in a glass of water. A glass of water isn’t that big, but the slightest thing that happens, I feel like I’m drowning. I get overwhelmed by persons, places, things, events and even myself,” said Fr Philip Scott as he addressed participants at the 10th Divine Mercy Conference, Saturday, March 4 during his talk ‘How to stand firm in such a troubled world: Firmness in God alone’. The March 4 and 5 conference was held at the University Inn and Conference Center, St Augustine.

Fr Scott earlier posed the question: When you think of your dad, what word comes to mind? He shared when he returned to his homeland of Peru, he observed that the altar servers would lean their heads on his shoulders during Mass. “And they won’t let go of my clothes when I went to read the Gospel. And I asked the priest…and he said, you need to remember this Father, in Peru, 65 per cent of children are abandoned by daddy before they are born, and their hearts are crying out ‘Daddy! Daddy!’.”

“And when they haven’t had that, they are vulnerable…. when I talk to someone who have same-sex attraction, men to men…they were missing their daddy. And they grow up looking for daddy in that other man…the touch, the attention, the time etc for daddy….” Fr Scott said.

He asked the men present, by a show of hands, how many are fathers. Fr Scott then underscored it’s difficult to be a good father, if they were never “sonned”.

“Because there’s a part of the soul of the man that touches a child differently than a mother…. It would have been tough being a biological dad when I never felt like a son,” Fr Scott said, referring to being brutally beaten by his father as a child.

Fr Scott referred to Syriac 3:9 which outlines what gives the human condition firmness and courage– the heart.

“Because the heart is the part of us that touches the deepest part of our humanity and that’s what God wants to have: relationship, encounters with us that moves hearts. But it all began with moving encounters with daddy and mommy – conversations, touches, love, kisses that move the heart.”

According to Fr Scott, when one’s heart is fed, persons grow up looking how to love others. If it wasn’t fed or nurtured, they grow up looking for love. He called this the ‘Father Wound’.

Firmness begins on the natural and if the natural is healed – the heart – it “launches us to the supernatural fatherhood”.

Fr Scott then gave five elements that provide a firm foundation in a similar way the skeleton to the body: loving touches; loving, life-giving words; time, grace, and discipline.

So, what happens to a child who has never received this? The person begins to compare himself/herself to others. “You are jealous because you’ve never felt like you’re number one in someone’s heart.”

Fr Scott gave the story of his former tennis coach being asked who he thinks has the talent to be a professional. Fr Scott, a then junior tennis player, was never named. “It was like a bomb went off in my heart, because when you have this wound, you look to be admired by someone.”

“These are all the symptoms of this wound….You don’t know yourself because you haven’t been told who you are.”

He again posed the question, “how is your relationship with your dad?”

Fr Scott asserted when you don’t know who you are, because you have not been told who you are, you make up who you are.

Another sign of the father wound is the perception that you have to be strong. “….so you try to appear strong, but there’s one problem with trying to appear strong, you’re not. And God knows it. In fact, what does He say in Matthew 18:3, ‘Unless you become like little children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven’.”

Fr Scott added, “The Kingdom of Heaven will have a tougher time entering you and you won’t live securely unless you become weakened.”

He emphasised God doesn’t strengthen us; He first weakens us. “That’s the way He begins to parent us. Unlike a surgeon in the medical field, who, during the surgery, at the very end, he closes the wound, God opens it,” Fr Scott said.

Other talks were delivered by Fr David Khan, ‘Stand Firm’; ‘Doorways to the demonic in modern culture’ by Adam Blai; ‘Warriors Standing Firm for Christ’, Fr Christopher Onuoha, to name a few.

Sunday’s conference concluded with Holy Mass with the main celebrant Fr Luciano Labanca, Secretary and Deputy Head of Mission of the Apostolic Nunciature.