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The marriage list…

By Daniel Francis

I think most, if not all, men who want to get married understand the following sentiment.

There is a list that we create. Whether specific or vague, there is a list that we have of all the things we need to have or accomplish before we ‘feel’ like we are ready to get married.

There is something ingrained in us that will not allow us to settle on the idea of marriage if we are not on a certain level.

The sad thing is, men, I think we have it all wrong.

I will begin with the disclaimer that I am neither married nor engaged. I do however have that list just like most of my other male counterparts. I feel as though I must have a certain amount of money saved, my income must be at a certain level, I must be at a certain level of stability in my life, etc, etc before I even think of marriage.

This is not a bad way to think. We, as men, are expected to be the leaders, breadwinners, or the sturdy foundations in our families. So, it is only natural to want to have certain things in order.

I have always seen and heard that vision of the husband carrying the family on his back. As amazing as that may appear, it does come with its crippling fear. Will we be enough? Will we be able to provide in the right ways for our future family? Hence the list.

This ideal all changed for me after a conversation I had with a married friend. He got married pretty early on. When he heard the rest of us guys talking about all that we needed before we could even think about marriage, he provided some excellent insight.

He said that the way we are looking at this is all wrong. We are thinking in a silo, but marriage is a partnership. He knew he had many flaws going into marriage, and he also knew he may not have had everything he needed to be ‘ready’ for marriage, but he acknowledged that he now had a partner who could pick up the slack where he may fall and vice versa.

He talked about his wife bringing so much to the table that he naturally could not and creating that balance that he could not achieve on his own.

Once married, he realised that the notion of this list we men create in our minds is not exactly needed.

When two become one in the eyes of God, it is true in the spiritual sense but also in all the other ways. You are now combining incomes, effort, resources, and much more.

Our visceral fear of inadequacy towards our partners or future family blinds us to the fact that we now have support.

Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’,” showing that the complement between man and woman was meant to help both sides be better able to traverse the days and nights.

So, men, the next time you feel that fear towards marriage, the next time you feel like you do not have all the resources you need, remember to trust in God and trust that the engagement between yourself and your spouse will create a complement great enough to fill all the gaps.


Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a Self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.

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