Self-Talk is where it’s at

By Ashley Chin Aleong

“You will never speak to someone more than you speak to yourself in your head, so, be kind.”

How we talk to ourselves is intrinsically related to what we believe about ourselves.

You know how doctors, trainers and dieticians have a knack for telling us, “You are what you eat” Well, let’s take that a step further – you are what you think.

Have you ever paused for a moment, especially in the midst of dealing with an assortment of family issues, work or school stress, depression, or anxiety or even just in a moment where you catch your mind wandering off to think of how you’re speaking to yourself?

When I stopped to examine how I spoke to myself, I could swear this was someone who betrayed me, hurt me, and had done me wrong with the things I’ve been saying to her.

This couldn’t possibly be me speaking to someone I’m supposed to love!

Oftentimes, the voice in our head and the things that we say to ourselves are hardly ever our own voice, opinion, or belief, but the cultivated voices and opinions of people around us that we think are supposed to love us.

So, we take their judgements on as our own, when those words are simply reflections of their own insecurities, which they use to bully us and make us feel as miserable as they do.

I’ve experienced abuse. Physical, mental, and emotional (Yes! Those are forms of abuse too!) One of the things that my healing journey forced me to realise was that my inner voice and thoughts were a reflection of my abusers’ words aimed at hurting me, and not any of my own thoughts and opinions at all.

My mind would tell me untruths of the like:

“You’re not good enough… you really think you’re smart enough to do that? Ha!” … which would make me shrink into the background.

“Look at you, are you really comfortable looking like that? Like you don’t own a mirror or something?” … which eventually made me not even like looking at myself in the mirror, because I learnt to resent what I saw or nit-pick imperfections in the reflection.

“Stop trying so hard, you know your sister is the pretty one, not you.” … which made me feel unworthy.

“I don’t even know why you going to bother even trying that when you gonna fail anyway and waste my time and money.” … which again, made me unsure of myself and my skills, so why even try?

“I don’t know why you always feel like people going to choose you, look at you, your mother didn’t even want you” … which made me feel lonely, abandoned, and undeserving of love.

“You look like a pig. Oink Oink.” … Yup, she literally oinked at me!

I’ll admit. It’s a hard realisation and it’s even harder to combat. But, my love, it’s worth it! Not for anyone else, but for YOU.

So, this is my challenge to you. It may be hard but take your time with it, take some time with yourself because you are MORE THAN worth it!

Think about the things that you say to yourself, especially the negative and the not-so-good. Write it out. Now, scratch it out! Yes, put a whole line or scratch or X through it!

‘X’ marks the spot where this is no longer my truth! (Say it aloud if it makes you feel good!)

Now, replace it with something you love about yourself and it’s okay if you don’t feel it in the moment – fake it to make it, babe! (We all must start somewhere!)

It could be as simple as: “I love the way I look in red lipstick; it makes me feel beautiful and powerful.”

Now repeat that, until the thought that used to hurt you now reflects this thing that makes you love YOU.

Do it one at a time, two at a time, ten at a time. Just take the time, love, and remember, you are worth it.

I’ve now realised that my words are powerful, and my voice is powerful, but it took me quite some time to relate that to how I speak to myself. You are the only sure one that’s gonna spend the rest of your life with YOU. Why not strengthen and empower her?

Take a moment to say this with me, say it in your mind until you can scream it aloud: “My words are powerful. My voice is powerful, and I am worth it.”

Remember; you are beautifully and wonderfully made; nobody can take that from you!