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Hurt people, hurt people

By Daniel Francis

I continue to find it personally baffling as it relates to my generation and the infinite number of traumatised individuals among us who are yet to process their hurt. Not only that, but many of them choose to channel that hurt as well, namely in toxic relationships where they hurt another merely to repeat the cycle of hurt.

If I had a dollar for every hurt friend I chatted with who did not deal with their hurt healthily and then went on to hurt someone else, I would have accumulated a mountainous reserve.

Often my conversations surround the topic that we all come with baggage, be that baggage from a past relationship or childhood. If we were to be completely honest, even in the presence of the most ‘perfect’ upbringing, all of us would still have some level of trauma.

The universal fact remains that no human is perfect and by extension, no parent is perfect. However, equally true is the fact of the ever-critical point in personal development and responsible adulting that each of us should accept and recognise the value in putting a stop to blaming the individual or individuals from our past that may have hurt us.

There should be a point where you acknowledge that you were hurt but you recognise that you are responsible for your actions. It is that step of taking responsibility for our hurt and our actions that most people miss or grapple with.

My generation is a very self-aware one in my opinion. We possess a particular sensitivity as it relates to our experiences and how these experiences have shaped us as individuals.

Yet I note that many do not put in the true work required to deal with the negative behaviours that may have resulted from past experiences and traumas. Simply because it appears quite difficult to clean up the mess you have swept under the rug for years. Easier to ‘power through’ as many of us do.

We all are painfully aware that we are not perfect and all that I have mentioned here is a part of life as we have come to know it. The reality has become that it is in fact through painful, hurtful, and traumatic life experiences that we grow. God Himself may even allow us to undergo certain trials thus providing an opportunity to help us grow, for it is through discomfort that we grow!

I have a friend who through a recent cycle of deep hurt and hurting others eventually discovered that they in fact truly learned a lot more about themselves.

The experience forced them to observe, develop or discover things about themselves that they may have otherwise not discovered. It was an ugly learning process but seldom in life are things clean and clear-cut nor exist in absolutism.

I think this is why it is so crucial to live a life steeped in God because you will have constant reminders of what the good and right thing to do is.

You will be conflicted to your core when you are met with toxic situations and can call on God to guide you through its grey areas. Once you make that first step in understanding that you are in some sort of toxic space you must get to the crux of why you are receiving this hurt or dishing it out.

Finally, it is important to know that processing your hurt is never an easy feat and I would always suggest getting a professional involved.


Daniel Francis is a millennial helping other millennials. He is a two-time author of the books The Millennial Mind and The Millennial Experience, and an entrepreneur. Over the past four years, he has served as a Personal Development Coach whose work targets Millennials and helps them tap into their full potential. He is also a Self-publishing coach and has guided hundreds on self-publishing their book successfully.


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