By Nikitta Lakatoo
I always knew deep down that I desired a family of my own. You’d think as an only child, whose parents got divorced during Common Entrance time and who grew up with an absentee father, would be stymied by such experiences but despite the hurts and disappointments, my thoughts were mostly, “I can be better”.
And as my dear friend’s mom would say, “thank God for Jesus”. Because of Him, I am living the dream, a dream the devil will often try to convince me I’m unworthy of as a result of all the bad decisions and mistakes I made while on my way to love.
I can tell you this, Satan is always ready with a bandaid for our bruises, always full of enticing ways to get our needs met. He knows the weaknesses of our fragile heart oh too well, but he’s a liar and isn’t merely out to bother, disturb or upset us. He’s out to kill. He’s out to destroy.
I hadn’t heard much preaching on Satan during my weekend Mass attendance growing up. You can say he seemed like the ‘he who shall not be named’ to my Harry Potter, and like Potter, I had to search for truth myself, the truth of this evil that most seem to underestimate. And if knowledge is power, the more I can understand then the more I can fight this type of supernatural enemy.
Often depicted as a scary red devil with horns and a long, pointed tail, I’ve lived and learnt the harsh reality that Lucifer comes more sweetly and most times in the very things and people God wants to separate us from, but we hold on to. And whether I was ignorant of him or not didn’t matter. Satan made it his business to know all about me, including my plans to find love and happiness.
Personally, the ‘Love & Mercy’ sermons weren’t convincing me to make real changes in my life. Changes, that were necessary for me to find the love I longed for and the life I wanted. In fact, I felt so comfortable in my sin that I would still go up for Holy Communion every time, while wilfully committing sinful acts and living in sin.
I mention this because I believe this kind of lifestyle had dire consequences and was the mountain in my life, blocking me, cursing me and preventing me from realising the dream I had for finding love.
To me, God can use anyone to speak to us and so I focused less on the messenger and more on the messages that were being sent to me in new, refreshing and convicting ways. Whether it came in attending prayer meetings where God’s Word is broken down and explained more personally. Or from Tom, the beloved homeless man who, if I’m lucky, would be eagerly waiting to suggest a piece of Scripture I should read, as I made my way out of the Church compound. I can see now as my spiritual eyes and ears opened, conviction, confession and conversion of heart were my first steps on my way to love.