Tuesday June 14th: Plumbing the depths of love
June 14, 2022
Family life must rise again to take back the nation
June 14, 2022

Be comfortable being vulnerable

Fathers today are grappling with ever-increasing responsibilities. There must be enough financially to ensure that his children have all the resources necessary to succeed in life (schools, co/extra-curricular activities, etc.).

In addition, he wants to secure his family’s future, so it would mean possibly seeking a promotion at work or moving on to a different job. To do that, it means that he would have to invest in further studies or spend more time on the job.

As a deacon, in addition to the above, I must balance the above along with my ministry, which can bring added burdens.

It is vital that as fathers we ask ourselves this question – how are we doing? More specifically the question should be, how are we doing emotionally?

Culturally, men are taught not to involve emotions in finding solutions but must use rational means only as the way to find those solutions. We are taught that getting in touch with our emotions and speaking from that position is something only women do.

Nothing can be further from the truth.

Expressing our emotions to our wives or significant others, and to other men, is one of the best ways in which we can deal with the burdens of life.

When I feel the need to talk, I meet up with a trusted male friend and we get down to the business of having a serious heart to heart talk about my emotions over a beer or two. This outlet serves as my “therapy session”. I get to express a range of emotions (anxiety, anger, fear, frustration, inadequacy, etc.), which allows me to place those emotions within a context that does not have the potential to hurt anyone else or myself.

It is imperative that we share our emotions with our wives and significant others as well. When my wife and I speak using our emotions, we are then speaking the same language.

Speaking this way allows for engaging, open and honest, but loving conversations. My wife understands me, and I, listening to her, understand her, and as a result our relationship becomes more intimate, the bonds become stronger, and our family enjoys an environment that is loving and peaceful.

As men, as fathers, we must become comfortable being vulnerable. And we must start the process of teaching our sons to do the same.

Learning to become comfortable being vulnerable takes time. If I profess to love God and my family, just being a financial provider is not enough. Thanks to Marriage Encounter, I obtained the techniques necessary to begin to speak on an emotional level. I not only connected better with my wife, but also with our daughters, those I call sons and others around me.

Surround yourself with others who are comfortable being vulnerable. I am indeed blessed I can turn to my wife and the village of friends who are family.

Fathers, brothers, as a Father’s Day gift to yourself, honestly ask the question – how am I doing emotionally today?

 

Rev Nigel Thomas has been married to his wife Heather for 25 years. They are parents to Antonia, Xahrya and Kathryn. The family attends Mass in the parish of Barataria, which consists of St Theresa’s, Malick and Our Lady of Perpetual Help, El Socorro.