Dis Rosary Ting

By Alvin Peters

Hear dis. Ah have someting to tell yuh but finish yuh drink fus. I paying for de next rounds. Doh get vex, eh. I know yuh is ah Church man but hear me out. How yuh does do dis rosary ting? I think it real hard.

Ah know ah not supposed to say dat, eh. Mih problem is not Mary. De mudder of Jesus is my mudder too. Dat is a devoted woman. We could learn a ting or three from she. But yuh is meh friend and I know yuh is ah good Catholic an all and I think I want to be one, too.

Is just dat…since I was small, it hard saying de rosary. My family would say it every May an’ October and I would never understand it. Why we saying de same ting over and over? Even in school, no-one explained why we saying one Our Father and ten Hail Mary an calling each set ah dem a mystery.

I used to ask: Why some mysteries joyful and others glorious? Why we praying about mysteries? Why de Archbishop cyah solve dem mystery like Scooby Doo and de Gang on TV? Everybody used to tell me, “Hush yuh mout and do it!”. After dat, I was not sure this rosary ting was for me.

Then I saw you with a small chaplet in yuh hand lunch time. Yuh sitting dey looking quiet, quiet. I was watching yuh wondering why yuh wasting yuh time. Is only ladies who does be into dem kinda ting like meh grandmudder. You could be watching something on yuh phone.

Den ah start tinking. You does look cool and calm every time yuh say it. I even see one ah dem manager come and try to mash you up but you look like nuttin could trouble yuh. Like nobody coulda do nuttin to you. And when she gone, yuh went back to yuh rosary. Ah say to myself, “Maybe dis rosary have someting for me.”

I tried, but every time I start ah decade, all kinda chupid questions does be coming up: What to eat later? When we going to win de World Cup? Why ah hole in de road is called ah pothole? How dey does make black pudding? Yuh could eat paratha with cheese? When dey go AC de church? And it real hard to stop dem question.

Den I try another way. I decided to say de rosary in parts. One or two decades in de morning and de others when I get home. It still difficult but ah go keep going.

I using de chaplet and I trying other ways to pray. I try music but it distracting. I try walking but I almost get bounce down. Is there an app about de Rosary on yuh phone? It for free? If I get good with dis rosary maybe Mary could help make me into a Church man like you so when times hard and try to mash me up, I go stay cool.

Listen ah know when yuh ask me, “How’s life?” yuh didn’t expect to hear ah story. Doh worry, ah paying for dis rounds but maybe you could answer dis question. How you does do dis rosary ting?