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Lean not on thy own understanding

Three years ago, this month, my life broke. Actually, broke doesn’t do it justice –my life shattered.

Now to be totally honest with myself and you, and in retrospect, I can say it was all my fault. It was a terrible time though. Those who know me personally would say I am strong. I have always been an optimistic, solution-oriented, happy-go-lucky person, and I have always taken life’s challenges as just that –challenges that are meant to be overcome.

Anyway, three years ago, my life shattered. The lines between my professional and personal life blurred and I saw years of friendships and relationships crumble in front of me, hard work destroyed by mistakes made, and I fell apart.

Amazingly, this happened at the absolute best time of my life. I was ‘Sheena’ –I felt invincible. I was smashing goals: professionally, I was making dough; my children were happy and healthy; I had friends; I was partying.

Life was good, and then it was not.

See, there is where it had started to go wrong, life had become I, I, I, me, me, me, my, my, my, which is why I can say it is all my fault. My fall from grace, my pain, my losses were all due to my decisions, my actions, my faults –me.

I slowly crawled back to Him. I had never lost my faith, but I had taken charge of my life. Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the Lord, with all thine heart, and lean not into thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

I had forgotten. I had tried doing it on my own. I had stopped listening to His voice and I paid the price. So, I crawled back to Him. I cried and prayed and then prayed some more.

My problems did not vanish, instead I was given the fortitude to solve them. He was my armour, and my faith was my refuge. Truth be told, it actually got worse until it did get better. And better it did get.

I started over. I moved forward one step at a time. My real family and friends were revealed; my heart healed; and I faced my flaws. I was humbled by the knowledge that we are nothing without God.

I was humbled by His love for me, and as I was humbled, my blessings grew. Life is still not a bed of roses, but it is certainly easier now that I leave it in God’s hands.