Fr Roger Paponette, Judicial Vicar, Eastern Antilles Interdiocesan Tribunal, said the most common ground for annulment of marriage was Canon Law 1095 (2): “grave defect of judgement concerning the essential matrimonial rights and duties”.

“That comes up I would say perhaps maybe more than 80 per cent of the time…this is basically saying people are too immature at that point in marriage, I am sorry to say, perhaps even beyond,” said Fr Paponette.

He explained, “Lack of due discretion [of judgement] says we do not weigh things properly. We do not ask ourselves the serious questions that we need to ask: ‘Am I mature enough, capable enough to enter into the dynamic of a relationship that is a partnership, that is going to demand from me; all relationships demand—care, concern”.

Commenting further, he said it did not matter whether someone is well educated as he has seen “there was…no evaluation of the human qualities as necessary and fundamental for establishing friendship, marriage”.

Fr Paponette was the featured speaker at the St Theresa’s Parish Tuesday Talk on August 17, titled ‘Early signs your date isn’t The One.’

During his presentation he outlined the signs including the “warning signs” which persons should be aware in choosing a spouse.

He gave other examples of defect of consent as when there is an intention against having children and the marriage being a permanent union (Can 1093, 3).  “And those can be proven sadly, people come with reliable witnesses who can give stories long before the wedding…as a judge, this is where the struggle is. You must work with truth because it is a court at the end of the day and we must deal with facts,” the parish priest of San Raphael said.

There were instances when the Tribunal imposed a restriction on individuals getting married in the Catholic Church; an “extreme” example is when violence— physical or emotional, was involved.  Only the bishop has the authority to remove the prohibition.

It is important to see the other person for who they truly are: their strengths, charisms, struggles and how to deal with them. This is “non-negotiable, it is fundamental, it is a partnership for whole of life, so we have to constantly be asking ourselves and challenging ourselves to authenticity,” he said.

What is a marriage? He stated, “The matrimonial covenant by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership for the whole of life which is ordered by its nature for the good of the spouses, and procreation and education of children has been raised by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized” (Can 1055, 1).

Fr Paponette said when individuals are looking for signs, they should be able to evaluate “does this person have the fundamentals of relationship that can be used to establish a marriage?”.

They should look for signs of friendship. “When you are down, when you are hurt, when you find yourself in misfortune, your friends are the one who will come and spend time with you”.

Fr Paponette has encountered persons who say confidently that they do not have friends. They were shocked when he responded, “If you don’t have friends, I don’t think you should consider marriage”.

He added, “if you don’t know the fundamentals of friendship…friendship demands— time and concern and presence…so many different things.” According to Fr Paponette, going out with someone who has no friends was a warning sign and warning bells should go off that the relationship is a “dead end”.

Another warning sign was when there are question marks over other relationships. “He or she seemed to be far too popular, ‘almost everywhere we went they know him’, too familiar….”

There should also be caution dealing with persons who are unable to admit that they are wrong about anything.  “If you want your life to be a life of misery, then ignore such things.” —LPG