Dating Tips for Catholics

“What do you want in a partner?”

Deacon Sheldon Narine and his wife Cindy got the dialogue going with this question in their presentation ‘Dating II for Catholic young adults and seniors’, the second Tuesday Talk in August hosted by the Ministry Team of St Theresa’s Parish, Woodbrook.

Attendees at the online session August 10, were asked to list the ten top qualities in a prospective partner or someone they are currently dating. Cindy Narine said there was nothing wrong with making a list, “your list could be five things you want to see in your partner or 100 things”. Responses included: someone who can have deep intellectual conversations, has a deep relationship with God, adventurous, genuine, shares similar faith, friendship, sense of humour, communicative, attractive, loves music and nature, and someone with whom they can be comfortable and quiet.

Deacon Narine advised that while looking for certain qualities, someone will not “fit every single quality on your list; you may have to adapt and be a little flexible”. The session generated candid exchanges as the Narines, married 27 years and have two adult children, prompted opinions on the different points they raised on dating. These were:

1. Pray for God’s will to be done. “Pray and ask God ‘is this your will for me in my life?’,”.

2. Be true to your moral values. Cindy said, “When we don’t act in accordance with our core beliefs, we feel we are betraying the essence of who we are. When we step away from what we should be doing, guilt and shame arise.” Deacon Sheldon said, “remember you were created by God for a reason, never compromise your morals and your values”.

3. Leave your baggage at the door. Cindy advised, “Don’t bring up any past, old relationships that did not go well.” Sheldon added, conversation should be kept light and fun. “Avoid topics, like sickness, death, gossiping…find out about the other person. People love to talk about themselves.”

4. Grooming. Try to always look tidy; always look your best. Poor hygiene is a “turn off”.

5. Never settle or short-change yourself. Don’t get desperate or feel you will never be loved. Deacon Narine said, “always remember you are precious; you are beautiful and you are loved by God”.

6. Enjoy dating. “Enjoy your first kiss, enjoy holding hands…going out to nice dinners together,” Cindy said. “This is not a pressure situation, always see it as an opportunity to meet someone new and learn about someone else; yes, it may not work out, that’s fine but that is part of the adventure,” Deacon Narine said.

7. Keep God-centred in your relationship. “For somebody to grow to love you and to know you and to take care of you; you need to know who God is. Even when you go

for dinner…before you eat say a ‘Grace Before Meals’ so people know God is an important part of your life”, the Deacon said.

Meeting someone during the pandemic

The pandemic has made socialising and meeting new people face to face difficult, but social media can be used. Deacon Sheldon said, “It is important as a single person for people to know you exist and that you are interested in dating.” Cindy added that the image presented on social media is important. “One of the most devastating things you can put on social media is an inappropriate picture or visual of yourself.” New relationships can come through looking at the friends of friends or asking friends to help. Cindy said many parishes have groups on social media, “get involved, you can meet someone there”. Also suggested were volunteer clubs like the Rotary, hobbies and sports.

The next talk is August 17, ‘Early signs your date isn’t The One’ with Fr Roger Paponette, Judicial Vicar, Marriage Tribunal. His presentation will identify behaviours commonly spotted early in relationships that have ended in divorce and nullity. The last talk for the month, August 24 is ‘How He shows love and interprets Hers’ with Episcopal Delegate for Evangelization Dr Peter Timothy and his wife Subina.

The sessions are designed to guide Catholics who are married, dating and single persons who are open to dating, but are not yet doing so. Persons 20-years-old and over are invited. Register at: coreplanners.ym.stp@gmail.com