From God to guys

“Come and hear, all you who fear God, while I recount what has been done for me” Psalm 66:16.

When I was 22 years old, I got really mad at God about what I perceived to be unanswered prayers and turned away from Him. I tossed out my Bible and prayer books and wanted nothing to do with Christ ever again. I told myself that if I fell in love with a good man, he would be able to replace God in my life.

I became clingy, eager and needy towards guys. I was completely desperate for someone to choose me, love me and cherish me. It was so bad that guys would be overwhelmed by my neediness and avoid me. I ended up feeling hurt, sad, worthless and broken.

Idolatry

I didn’t know it then but I had created an idol and was breaking the first commandment to worship God and serve Him only. An idol can be anything besides Christ that we expect to be our primary source of fulfilment. Examples of common idols are a person, success, our marriage, money, a job, our families or our bodies. An idol will always destroy us and leave us broken. God will not allow us to find contentment in anything but Him.

“Those who worship worthless idols abandon their hope for mercy” Jonah 2:9.

A turning point

When I was 30 years old, I broke up with a guy who was not right for me. He did not want the relationship to end and kept trying to make me feel sorry for him and take him back. I was filled with sorrow and guilt for having hurt him. I went to the beach by myself to clear my head and started crying. I tried to cover my face but within seconds, a woman saw me, approached me and asked me what was wrong. I told her the story and she sat with me, giving me advice and compassion.

She then asked me twice “Do you want to receive Jesus?”

I said, “No,” both times.

She stayed with me and kept chatting with me about my situation and then asked me for a third time, “Do you want to receive Jesus?”

I said “No. I don’t trust Him.”

She asked me why and I explained to her that I prayed a lot about certain family problems and God didn’t change the situation so I didn’t trust Him anymore.

She then said, “My mother died last year. Do you think I should blame Jesus for that?”

I said, “No,” and she said “Come on. Receive Jesus”

I held her hand and she led me in a brief prayer, “Dear Jesus, I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. From now on, I will live my life in Your way and no longer in my way”.

An encounter with the Holy Spirit

As I said that prayer, I instantly felt a heat come into me and when I opened my eyes, the whole world seemed to be on fire. I was happy and laughing. I knew the Holy Spirit had entered me, set me on fire and would never leave me. I went to a bookstore the very next day and bought a Bible and started reading it every day. Within a month, I started going to church again and I’ve been committed to Christ ever since. It still took a lot of work and prayer over years to heal from idolatry and “forgive” God for what I thought He did wrong, but now I have a solid relationship with Christ.

A happy ending

I’m now happily married to a good man and I still I keep Jesus firmly on the throne of my heart. I don’t look to my husband to be the source of my happiness, security or peace. I reserve that place in my heart for Christ and Christ alone.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you besides” Matthew 6:33.