Violence in the Home: A Reckoning

By Hedy Tenia

Throughout the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament, the wrath of Yahweh is seen and felt, for example Numbers 11:1-2 and 12.  Moses interceded with Yahweh so His mercy can be shown and anger reduced.  Yahweh is divine. He is God. We are not God.  The questions we need to ask ourselves is whether violence in the home is a reflection of society or whether society reflects violence in the home?  How violent are you?  What is said or done by you in different environments? What choices do you make that you do not consider violence but someone else may?

Planning one’s family can be a reason for violence between some partners: to go natural or not, to have a child or not, and even that the child was unexpected. The Billings Ovulation Method advocates a natural method to planning the family through charting and communication between partners, but for this method, parties need to be able to be honest with each other, be respectful of each other and be committed to doing what is required.

There are laws in our country that deal with violence against children, spouses, man or woman, the elderly, in the workplace and other environments, yet we see violent acts often resulting in physical, emotional, psychological harm or death and to the most vulnerable in our society.  Honesty, respect and commitment are needed for the Billings Ovulation Method, simple words but difficult to achieve at times, in most, if not all, environments. These should always begin with you: the individual.

Honesty requires introspection.  Think about the type of person you are; the ‘triggers’ that may set you off; how you respond in situations of stress; who is on the receiving end of any negative feelings and behaviours. What environment is the outpouring of emotions often seen: in the home, the workplace, among friends, the community or the church?  The idea is if you can be honest with yourself, hopefully you may be able to be honest with others in a more positive manner.

Respect needs to be felt and shown. Not only respect for oneself but respect for the other person as a creation of God.  Disagreements may be present. People are different with varying life experiences, beliefs and expectations, yet, whenever we interact with another, adult or child, the face of God should be seen in that person. If we can start developing this type of outlook and make it a good habit to acquire, then when we interact with each other—adult or child—the face of God is always looking at us: a constant reminder to watch how we act and react.

Commitment can be a challenge. How often do we start something and then find it hard to continue going when things get tough and at times don’t complete what we hope to achieve? A good support system can help. People who can be honest with you, respect you and want you to succeed.  A delay does not mean that the individual is not committed. A delay can simply mean a different approach may be needed based on changing circumstances. Commitment will find an appropriate and acceptable way to be manifested by the individual.

God should be the base for everything. Knowing of God and knowing God also requires individual introspection.  Knowing God implies relationship building and maybe that should be the first step for change to reduce and hopefully eradicate violence in any environment.