The following is a Spoken Word piece that was delivered by Kayla Daniel at the launch of the Consolation Ministry of the Parish of the Incarnation, Maloney, on October 26
It came as a whisper
Faint and invisible
Releasing itself down my neck
Letting shivers run down my spine
Two days later it’s a pain
A sharp intolerable
DESTRUCTIVE
Pain
A month later and it’s a shiver
As if the Antarctic
Was lethargic and fell asleep on my spinal cord
Picking one by one
At my strings made of paper
And it rips
Every time.
The worst time of year is the anniversary
Where those chords play sweet sounds like a mobile in a nursery
The worst time of the year is when it comes like a thief in the night
Nothing but a moko jumbie wrapped in black cloth
Towering over me and playing mas with my mind
Except I don’t see colours
Not last year
Not last week
Maybe this time
I look around the room to see what it takes
But it’s when the tears falls and
Humpty dumpty their way through the ripples of my lover’s favourite skin
That I realise
I couldn’t put myself back together again
And it whispers, shivers and steals all at once
Just like a splash of cold water on a hot summer day
Washes away the ecstasy
Replaces it with duped misery
Tricking me
into believing I’m okay
I’ve just become a widow
Would I though?
See him again, that is?
The question lies heavy on my tongue like a bee sting
Buzz buzz buzzing past me in a fistful of memories and a handful of fears
Until my tongue touches the ground
Gone down
Deep underneath red soil even though I’m still growing
God?
Keep on going
Chug chug chugging past death but the pins not missing like in bowling
Pins and needles
Intricate when my hands shake like the 2018 earthquake
Yes, I remember when you said don’t cry
But it’s as if WASA finally doing they job and the tank overflowing
With love
With tears
With everything
anything .
I wish I could feel any and everything
One night I caught it
Sneaking into my bedroom window
My anticipation jumps at him
“Who are you?”
I inquire
It freezes like the best place to eat a doubles
On the spot
“What?” it asks
“Who are you?” I repeat
“I am the feeling you keep running away from”
Turning its back to me
It’s about to slip out the window
With no sense of regard at all
Until I grab it by its black cape
Exposing him
In the centre of it all ,
The spiral of misfortune
Lies a sparkle so tiny it nearly misses my sight
With a bucket of hesitation I scope out the light
I hold it and own it
It grows bigger as my fingers make contact
Until suddenly the room is consumed
With the white of heaven
And the trumpet of hope sounds
Amidst a new horizon